September 2011 – Page 2 – Journey Through The Obsidian Dream

Sept Full Moon Reading

Satyr Magos15/09/2011

It was an intense Esbat – easily the most magickal work I’ve done solo since I left Lawrence, possibly the most ever. I should write about all that. But my mind has been turned to the future:

HOUSE

CARD

GENERAL MEANING

INTERPERETATION

1^st – Self, Viewpoint

the window through which you and the world view one another

Princess of Swords

clarity & mental renewal; restlessness and quarrelsome behavior

conflict & clarification

The Princess of Swords is a fairly natural outlook for someone in school, and the quarrelsome angle totally fits me all day long.

2^nd – Finances, Income

communication, neighbors, short distance travel

Prince of Wands

new momentum, initiative, and enthusiasm

readiness for action; taking risks; renewal

My financial aid doesn’t quite cover my housing, so a change in my financial situation is welcome news. It looks like I’ll need to go out on a limb to take advantage of this, but I’m prepared for that.

3^rd – Daily Experiences

immediate influences

6 Disks – “Success”

increase, gain, favorable synergy, welcome developments

encourages taking advantage of situations as they present themselves

It looks like life will continue to improve over the course of the month, so long as I don’t turn down opportunities as they come my way.

4^th – Home-place

family, land, roots

Queen of Swords

clr – 4 S – “Truce”

The Queen of Swords being a very odd card for the 4^th House, I asked for clarification … and was given the Four of Swords. I can only take this to mean that I must be discerning in the balance I achieve between rest and work, and in the battles I pick.

5^th – Fun / Pleasure

children, hobbies, lovers

VII the Chariot

thirst for adventure, boldness

new relationship, making a leap forward

I’m starting to get restless – even if I didn’t just know that, it’s there in the 1^st House – and, fortunately, it looks like there’s going to be things to do and people to see (and very likely, hopefully, vice versa).

6^th – Work

illness, duty, routine

3 Swords – “Sorrow”

clr – 9 C – “Happiness”

bad news, heartbreak

miscalculation, not passing an exam

bliss, meaningful experience, enjoyment of work

This clarification turned into more of a contradiction. I can only infer that, in my enjoyment of my studies and residence life, I may loose track of my priorities and fuck something up but good.

Or, maybe everything will go well except that no amount of scientific medicine or magical healing will clear up this sinus hell.

7^th – Partnership

associations, spouse

6 Cups – “Pleasure”

reawakening spirits, emotional recovery, well-being

blossoming feeling; sensual pleasure; sexual fulfillment

This is interesting in the way that it agrees with the 5^th House, which usually speaks more to short-term lovers, as opposed to the “marriage” ideas associated with this House.

This is doubly interesting in that I’m explicitly looking for … not “casual”, because it’s never that for me, but certainly nonexclusive.

8^th – Taboo / Crisis

sex, death, taxes, loans

rebirth and renewal

3 Disks – “Works”

the process of transforming ideas to reality; slow progress and consolidation

encourages cementing that which has already been achieved

This seems to expand on the opportunities presented in the 2^nd House. I need to keep my irons in the fire and work them slowly, but methodically.

9^th – Higher Perception

journey, movement

IV the Emperor

willingness to take responsibility; security and leadership

structure, order, and realistic thinking

The Emperor is not a card I generally associate with anything spiritual, but it makes sense in light of the fact that I will be beginning my month of Malkuth-work in two days.

10^th – Recognition

career, ambition, status

Queen of Cups

sensuality, devotion

spiritual tasks and artistic inspiration

I am going to be more recognized for my creative and magical works this moon. I should really send out some of my stories again.

11^th – Friendships

groups, social activities

I the Magus

activity, resolution, will power, concentration, mastery

attraction, taking the first step, accepting oneself and others

Returning again to themes seen in the 5^th and 7^th Houses, this will be a busy month for my social calendar.

12^th – Secrets & Fears

hopes, ambitions

V the Heirophant

search for truth, experience of meaning, expansion of consciousness

search for meaning; self-examination

The Heirophant is a card I rarely associate with anything good, but I must keep in mind that Crowley’s Heirophant of the Age of Aquarius (Horus) is not the Pope of the Age of Pisces. This, too, may refer to my experiments in ceremonial magick. Or possibly to my desire to set myself up as an occult spiritual leader here on campus.

+2 – Current Position /

Outside Influences

Prince of Cups /

5 Swords – “Defeat”

The Prince of Cups is my card, so to see him at the center here is no surprise. That lies in the 5 of Swords – a card which seems to belie the otherwise overwhelmingly positive reading. Will I be betrayed this month? Forced to eat crow repeatedly? Will this be the manifestation of the “Sorrow” seen in the 6^th House?

THEMES

Me / You

– 1^st, 7^th

Princess of Swords &

6 of Cups

I will be intellectual, cantankerous, and my usual self. They will be sensual and inexplicably drawn to me.

From Where To Where

– 4^th, 10^th

Queen of Swords to

Queen of Cups

While the Queen of Swords makes little sense to me on her own in the 4^th House, as a part of this pair she makes perfect sense. Evolving events will help me move from the hard, more distant, cerebral, and cold parts of my personality to the more fluid, more intuitive and intimate, warm expressions.

Fire

– 1^st, 5^th, 9^th

temperament and self-development

Prince of Swords

VII the Chariot

IV the Emperor

The Prince of Swords cannot stand up to the combined might of the Emperor and the Chariot – two of the most fiery Trumps in the deck. I’m going places, and I’m going full-tilt-boogie. Passion will overrule intellect.

Earth

– 2^nd, 6^th, 10^th

home, money and work

Prince of Wands

3 Swords & 9 Cups

Queen of Cups

There is no earth in my Earth Trine. That never bodes well, despite otherwise auspicious indications in that direction.

Air

– 3^rd, 7^th, 11^th

ideas, contacts, and conversation

6 Disks – “Success”

6 Cups – “Pleasure”

I the Magus

Earth, water, and the Magus – it’s going to be a very Epicurean month, and I’m going to love it.

Water

– 4^th, 8^th, 12^th

intuition, yearnings, and moods

Queen of Swords

3 Disks

V the Heirophant

Although there is a Queen here, she is the Queen of Air. My Watery nature will, for this month at least, largely be dominated by the other elements.

Underlying Theme

XIX the Sun

Over all, I think things are going to do damn fucking well.

The takeaway here is opportunity: in particular, the opportunity to secure my rent money, and the opportunity to get laid. This is welcome news.

In witchcraft

Conjuring a Home

Satyr Magos11/09/2011

Back in June, when I had just been accepted into my new college and thought I was going to be living in the dorms, I wanted to be very sure that was going to turn out well. As a 30-year-old male, a wayout-of-the-Closet bisexual witch with certain nudist tendencies and a manner of costume that has been mistaken for cross-dressing, I thought that my best bet for a good dorm experience would be to have a room to myself.

So I cast a spell.

Now, let me preface this by saying: practical magic is somewhat new to me. I have generally devoted my psychic energies to, well, spiritual and psychic pursuits. Mostly, in fact, I’ve devoted my energy to getting better than just a finger-hold on sanity, and to Warding my home-space (which is largely part of the same). When it comes to manifesting things, I’ve relied on my Web.

A single-room in a good dorm where I’d feel safe, though, seemed a rather high order for that – especially since I wouldn’t actually be moving for another eight weeks. I’d never experimented with sigil magic before, but I’ve I’ve done a bit of candle magic. So I decided to use a large candle as the “firing mechanism”, so to speak, for the sigil – and back it all up with a boost from the sort of old-fashioned raise-a-circle magic they taught me in Witchcraft. Aradia helped, of course.

Although I’m getting better at it, I’m not always the best at keeping a journal. I don’t recall the exact date and time – it was the full moon in June, but I cant say which day of the moon. Nor did I record exactly how I phrased the spell before condensing it to a sigil. I think it was “SAFE HOME SINGLE DORM ROOM”. I do remember chanting “Safe home dorm room / single room dorm room”.

The sigil and the candle, after “firing”.

In the most direct sense, the spell either didn’t work … or it backfired. Not only am I not living I a single room, I’m not living in the dorms. Or even on campus. I’m living in a one-bedroom college-owned housing unit, legally a separate entity from the school.

But here’s the catch: single rooms for freshmen don’t exist, and not many transfers get them. The dormitory to which most of the transfers were assigned may not have single rooms at all. Also … I don’t think, now that I’ve been in dorms again for the first time in ten or twelve years, that such an environment could ever be “safe” for me at this stage in my life.

“Safe home” and “single dorm room” may have been incompatible parameters.

I didn’t get what I wanted. But I did get what I need: a safe home, where I can set up my altar and an alchemy lab and even continue brewing my mead. An easy walk from campus, but too far for post flavors of random visiting. Far enough that campus security is a total non-issue. With neighbors who like to party quietly and mind their own business.

So … did the spell work or not?

In witchcraft

My Web of Influence and Fortune

Satyr Magos10/09/2011

One hesitates to speak of good fortune – it’s taboo. One is simultaneously afraid of being named a braggart, and of having one’s luck evaporate. Be that as it may: I have long lived a charmed life. Being in the right place at the right time is pretty much my story. I have achieved this (inasmuch as it is an achievement, rather than a blessing) through two things: listening to my instincts, and my web of influence.

Growing up in Lawrence, I walked everywhere. As a young magician (though that word implies more intention and structure than I ever had going on), I practiced magic everywhere I walked – spinning webs, lobbing energy spheres, or even just playing around with subtle trance states. Over time – years, literally – I became increasingly attuned to those places where I spent the most time. If something interesting was going on somewhere I frequented – I knew, and I would show up just in time.

This was before the days of cell phones: if you wanted to meet someone somewhere, you had to call them in advance and hope they happened to be around, or make use of a pay phone (if there was one) when you got there. My magical friends – Kat, Lyra, James … I use your real names here in the hope that you recognize these stories and contact me – rarely had to call me. They would just show up, and there I would be. Thirty minutes later, if I wasn’t waiting for them when they arrived.

I came to call this knowledge of time and place my Web, and anchored it to a number of tools that lived on my altar (my Orb, in particular, if you recall it from the Story of Tsu). When I wanted or needed something, I fed that need into the web – no ritual, no ceremony, just focus – and it usually manifested sooner rather than later. When I moved out of my parents’ house into my first apartment, I moved it with me. I moved it again and again, as I moved around Lawrence.

When I moved to St. Louis, it was a little more complicated. For one thing, the move was so frantic that I forgot to take down the house wards before I left. For another, I was homeless for the first ten weeks – it’s hard to set up a power-center while living out of your car and sleeping on your buddy’s couch. (Not saying that it can’t be done: I’m sure many of you out there are up to the task. But it was very hard for me.) When I finally got my apartment, I still had to make another three or four trips back to KC to get my things, including key components of my altar. Nor was my life in St.L ever really stable: unemployment, temp jobs, and the batshit crazy jewelers I worked for there; friendships falling apart, an ill-chosen romance, and isolation.

Still, I did my best: laying down lines of power as I searched for jobs, marking trails as I did what partying I could. As wrong as so many things went, they still went very well in many regards. I had my choice of lovers, though I can’t say I made the best choices. I never went hungry or got into any real trouble. Despite my initial successes, it took about a year before things really started moving in my favor … and by that time it was too late. Too many things had already down the shitter. That said, I got out of my lease without a problem and found a safe place to land.

Kansas City – where I landed – was a little easier: being closer to Lawrence, where too much of my energy was still invested, things didn’t have quite so far to stretch. I had an easier time getting jobs, making friends, and even started going to school. All of which made it easier to lay down roots and get more of the same. Again, though, it took about a year for things to really get rolling – for last-minute decisions and gut-felt impulses to star putting me where I needed to be; to get that feeling of “I need to be a Missie’s tonight”. It was a series of fairly wild coincidences led Aradia and I to being in the same place and time at the right moments – little, if anything, in my life has turned out quite that well.

Now that I’ve moved again, it’s time to build a new annex to my web. Hopefully, between my more sophisticated witchcraft, my more focused intention, and my larval ceremonial practice, it won’t take a whole year to get the web established. I’ve already started the process. I’m making interesting friends. Let’s see how it goes, shall we?

In witchcraft

Earth and Water, Flesh and Blood

Satyr Magos04/09/2011

I have been here in Sunrise, IN for almost three weeks now. For all that it doesn’t look any different from the places I come from, the landscape still feels alien to me. I don’t quite belong here, yet.

Originally, I intended to bond with the land slowly – as naturally and organically as possible. The problem with that approach, though, is that I won’t belong here until I have bonded to the land. I won’t feel safe. Not at school or in town or anywhere but in the power-center I’ve set up in my apartment. That realization came to me slowly, over the course of the last week. So I set about planning how to spin my web here more deliberately.

Last night the sky was full of heat-lightning. The moon was waxing and gibbous; it was the hour of Mars. There was a school “rave” party scheduled on the lawn, and a thunderstorm rolling slowly in. I did Earth Breathing as I walked from my apartment to the center of campus, where I cast a circle in the great open lawn and called upon the Elements and the Quarters to make me a part of the land and it a part of me, “so long as I am relevant to the school” (which, as a college student, is as long as I am either a student and/or contributing alum). I released the circle, promptly made friends with a bunch of potheads, and later attracted the attention of the first serious-seeming witch I’ve yet to meet on campus.

Once the power-high wore off, I slept well and deeply and had vivid, school-related dreams.

This morning, I continued my practice of Earth Breathing on the way to and around the school, cementing and deepening the bond. I already feel more like I belong here. I’m more comfortable, more focused. I will now be better able to do the work I came here to do.

In witchcraft

There’s No Way To Tell This Story Without Looking Like a Moron or Possibly a Lunatic

Satyr Magos01/09/2011

For almost two years now, I’ve been working closely with a spirit I call Tsu (as in “A Boy Named ~”). You’ve seen her mentioned here once or twice. Only in passing, though, because she’s something of a long story. You see … I think I may have made her.

The story actually begins back in high school. Yeah. I don’t know how many of you out there started practicing magic that young; but I know that those of you who did probably have your own set of “what the fuck was I thinking” stories, too. Some of them might even start the same way: Like most young dabblers in the arts of magic, I suffered a certain paranoia. I didn’t necessarily think that anyone or anything in particular was out to get me. But they might be! If not today, than some day!

Like drawing and writing, I have a natural talent for shielding and warding, but that wasn’t enough for me. I wanted to be sure that I was safe. So I made myself a bindrune (a sigil, if you will), took a secret Name, and – I have no idea where this part come from – hid a piece of my soul inside a stone. This might have actually been the beginning of some interesting Work, if I’d had any idea what to do with it. But, again, I was young and dumb and (even more so than today) unclear on the benefits of the whole “Keep Silent” thing.

The stone – I called it my “Orb” (keep in mind, I was seventeen) – quickly became more of a liability than a boon. So I took the Work I’d done with the stone and moved it from the half-inch bloodstone sphere I’d started with to something no one would threaten to swallow, and which couldn’t be quite so easily misplaced: a gray granite sphere. Not long after, the Work somehow moved again – at the time I blamed an unknown wandering trickster spirit; in retrospect, I’m still not really sure what happened – from the granite to an obsidian sphere I had brought with me to show off.

If I’d been a more clever lad, I’d have ended the experiment then and there. In my mind at the time, though, Name, rune, and stone were linked and, having been made, could not be unmade. Besides, everything else had gone so smashingly! What else could go wrong?

For the next several years, the Orb – in its final incarnation as the obsidian sphere – was the centerpiece of all my magical work. I used it to raise power; I used it to ground and ccenter; I brought it with me to every spell and ritual I participated in, and sometimes carried it around just because.

I think I was twenty-two when I decided I needed to retrieve that sliver of soul from the Orb, and unbound it with a spontaneous bloodletting at a pubic Beltane ritual. (Of course that went over well – why do you ask?) A year or two later, I decided it was time to put it back. Only to reclaim the hidden fragment again, after another year or two.

Meanwhile and even after the final retrieval, the obsidian sphere remained a central part of my magical practice. in particular, I used it to ground and purify my excess energy after rituals, and as a place to release and launder my unwanted rage and lust and whathaveyou. I fed the energy in as a thread, winding it tighter and tighter. There really seemed to be no end to the amount of power the obsidian sphere could store.

Fast forward a few more years to my working group in Kansas City. whether or not you could touch the Orb had become a somewhat juvenile test of how badass a magician or witch I met was. Some people began to report that they could feel it watching them. Then, one day, something inside the sphere “woke up” and started talking to us.

It particularly liked to come out when the working group was over and discussing magic. Of course I started talking to it; it seemed like the polite thing to do. It helped me with the elemental and visionary work I was practicing at the time. When I underwent my initiation, it asked that I give it a name. So I did – Tsu is the abbreviated version. It started complaining about the flavor of energy I was dumping into the sphere – which did and does remain one of my favorite tools – so I gave it a home in a tchotchke … a medusa statue I got on special when I purchased my Dionysos idol.

At which point things got even a little stranger. Previously, Tsu had been amorphous: formless, or a vague humanoid shimmer, or (once, when it followed me to work at the mall) appearing in the form of a small Chinese dragon. (Why, yes: sometimes, though not often, I do actually see spirits.) Once housed in the medusa statue, “it” took the form of “she” and has appeared as the gorgon ever since. She has taken up residence in my Inner Temple / House of Memory, and served as a guide on several occasions. She disappears from time to time; most notably she was largely absent from HPF until very recently, when she asked me to make her a sigil/seal.

So, of course, I did.

Although I occasionally refer to her as a guide, she says she technically isn’t one – or, more accurately, that she wasn’t at the time I asked. When I asked if she were my HGA she straight up laughed at me.

I tell you this story now, somewhat apprehensive. Several witches to whom I’ve spoken seemed outright frightened by the story. Others have merely been puzzled. Neither reaction has been particularly helpful to me.

Did I make Tsu? Do spirits often come into being spontaneously in crystals used as batteries? Did some strange spirit leave her there, in some larval state, to feed and grow? Am I just batshit crazy? Seriously: What? The? Fuck?