It occurred to me yesterday that it has been almost two months since I last descended to the Underworld.
This realization begs a clear and pertinent question: what’s been stopping me? It is tempting to argue that I have been too busy with school; I have been busy, but that’s not actually the reason. I could confess to lazyness—people are always willing to believe that I’ve been lazy. But the truth is actually even worse.
I’m afraid.
The last time I went down, a spirit demanded something of me that I wasn’t comfortable giving. Since then I have been afraid to return. I have not been wholly inactive in that time—I drummed my friend Sannafrid down without difficulty about a month ago—but my attempts to descend on my own have been … fraught. Even aiming to go only as far down as my Inner Temple, my visualization fails me.
The details are … sordid, actually, and of a nature somewhat taboo even in the circles I’m running in these days. Maybe I’ll be willing to get into it more once I’ve my research has panned out and I have more context. But the details are also beside the point.
I am shamanic witch, but I am afraid to descend to the underworld. That is the point. In order to progress in anything, I need to overcome that fear.