Of That Which Has Been Put Off : My Full Moon Reading

Sun = 14*Gemini – Moon = 16*Sagitarius – Venus Retrograde

Aradia and I had Pasiphae and Aidan over last night for some Full Moon socializing.  The place was a little too messy for a full-on Esbat (the Battle of Mount Laundry has yet to be won), but we did spend quite a bit of time with our tarot decks.  Aidan purchased his first deck at Heartland, and Pasiphae managed to get her hands on a copy of the out-of-print Rohrig deck she had been coveting for years.  After I gave Aidan a reading, he spent the rest of the evening playing with his new deck, trying to grok the Celtic Cross and the internal logic of the cards.   Pasiphae as equally eager to break in her new toy.

I actually haven’t had anyone else do a reading for me in quite some time, so I took advantage of the opportunity.  Bought gently used, she’s still getting to know the deck and attuning it to herself.   It’s already got quite a personality: it doesn’t want to deal with piddly shit.  It told me the same as I shuffled it; it also demanded a specific question rather than a general reading.

So I asked it to talk about the direction my magical practice is taking.

IMG_5390

The central thesis here seems to be “Good job; now get to work.”  The Moon (which was central to my monthly reading as well) and the Hanged Man tell me that there’s some important work I’ve been dodging around.

“What am I avoiding?” I ask.  “I’m hip-deep in the biggest thing I’ve ever avoided in my magical career.”  I was speaking of the planetary and ceremonial magical studies I’ve been doing, of course.  I put that shit off for fourteen-odd years.

Aradia knows me well, though.  She knows the answer.  “When was the last time you visited the Underworld?”

“I … uh … don’t know.”

And … that’s unfortunately true.  The deeper into the planetary magic I get, the more my visionary work has been left by the wayside.  I could blame that on the fact that it’s not really a part of the system I’m studying—even if it is a major component of Penczack’s High Temple, which I’ve been using as an outline for my studies—but the fact of the matter is that I’ve just run into one too many things that have scared me when I’ve visited the Underworld.

Between the unsettling demands some of my newer spirit-allies have made of me, and my seeming inability to explore new territories without incurring new alliances and their attendant obligations… Well, let’s just say that I’ve become very, very good at finding reasons not to do Down.  Smart people can be disturbingly good at lying to themselves.  And with all the Work I have been doing—planetary talismans, the Stele of Jeu, puzzling my way (oh, so slowly) through Agrippa and my newfound relationship with my Natal Genius, and even the continuation of Deb’s New Year, New You, which I have fallen so far behind on in the last month—it’s been particularly easy.

“But wait!,” you (my dear readers) ask.  “Didn’t you work your way through that already?”  Yeah, I thought that I had.  Apparently I hadn’t.  It’s that bastard Dweller at the Threshold again.

So I’m setting myself a new goal: to descend to the underworld every Sunday and/or Monday night, regardless of whether or not there’s Work I think needs to be done.  It’s time to face the Moon.

Tarot card from the Rider-Waite tarot deck, al...
Tarot card from the Rider-Waite tarot deck, also known as the Rider-Waite-Smith deck. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lunar Journey II

Because, to my mind, 4am 8 March is actually more Wednesday night than Thursday morning, I performed my Esbat rites on Wednesday.  Initially, I didn’t feel as “on” as I did Monday night, but the journeywork turned out to be more productive, if less dramatic.

I made another Lunar incense blend: calamus, eucalyptus, jasmine flower, myrrh, and willow.  I actually liked my first blend better, but this is why we experiment, right?  After charging the incense and a bottle of lunar water, I mixed my flying potion (1), donned my visionary mask, and descended to the underworld through the Void.

Approaching the world tree, I asked to be returned to the Realm of Yesod and the Moon to further explore it.  Taking me DOWN this time instead of UP, the tree deposited me back on the island with the nine-pillar temple.  I began my work by leaving offerings of light for the two figures in the temple, and the entity which had “roped” me Monday night.

There was a land-bridge off to one side which I had neglected to investigate last time, so I started there.  Strangely, it didn’t go anywhere: although I tried to follow the coast I found past the land-bridge, I kept finding myself back on the shore of the island.  Frustrated, but undiscouraged, I dived into the lake instead.

Swimming down, I encountered a dolphin.  I asked it if it was there to guide me.  “No,” it said.  I asked it why it was there, but it didn’t answer.  It did, however, follow me as I continued swimming down.

“This is an awfully small body of water for you,” I noted.

“Well, yeah,” it acknowledged.

“Where do you come from?”

“Out there.”

I asked it to show me, so it led me—almost faster than I could follow—out to another, deeper region of water.  Down and down it led me, vanishing as I found myself on the bottom of an ocean floor.

Being the bottom of the ocean, there wasn’t any light, and it took me a few moments to adjust my astral vision until I could see.  (For some reason just conjuring a light didn’t seem like a good idea.)  When I could see, I found myself surrounded by massive, alien creatures, all trudging toward the direction from which I had come.  I couldn’t see them clearly—mostly just massive legs and bodies, dimly seen through the dust they raised—but they were legion, and each hundreds of times more massive than I.  I swam in the direction from which they had come, and none deigned to acknowledge me.  Eventually I came to a place where I was alone.

After swimming in random directions and encountering a lot more nothing, I drew a circle in the sand of the sea bottom and sat down cross-legged, waiting.  soon I began rising, and eventually broke the surface.

I cannot remember—could not, in fact, even immediately upon returning to my body—how I transitioned from floating over this massive, primordial ocean to standing once more in front of the nine-pillar temple.  This time when I ascended the stairs, the figures had moved.  They moved again in front of me, and acknowledged my presence.  We communicated briefly, and I received a positive response when I asked if I could return for instruction.  The woman reached out and touched me, and I was filled with a vibrant, cool energy.

I returned to the world tree, and through it to the waking world.  The journey was done.

I think I will do one more lunar journey before moving on to Hod/Mercury.


1 The usual, lately: absinthe and sacramental mead at a 1:3 ratio.  It’s a little stronger and a little easier to slam than properly louched absinthe, if not quite as exquisite.

Lunar Journeys I

In light of my my recent conclusions regarding my study of ceremonial and planetary magics, it occurred to me that with the Full Moon so close (the dark and lonely hours of Wednesday night, or the dismal pre-dawn hours of Thursday morning, depending on how you experience 4am EST), this week’s Day and Hour of the Moon would be a particularly auspicious for some of Lunar Work.

So, as the hour of the Moon approached, I rebuilt my Yesod altar and ground a lunar incense of calamus, eucalyptus, and myrrh (the only Lunar herbs I happened to have around the house).  Since Gustav Holst didn’t deign to write a suite for Luna or Sol, I turned to my usual Michael Harner drumming for music to guide my trance.  When my circle was cast, I administered my flying potion(1) and donned my visionary mask.

I dropped into full trance almost immediately, appearing in the Garden of Malkuth.  For a rarity, I found the Otherworld cast in night— it’s almost always daylight in my spiritual journeys—with a full and glowing moon overhead.  I called to the moon, and rose up to meet it.  Passing through the silver disk in the sky like a portal, I found myself first flying through a vibrant purple haze, which parted to reveal the rolling mists I have always heard the astral plane described as.  I set myself to find the Palace of the Moon (in retrospect, this was ridiculously vague), and flew through the mists.  After a while I found myself not flying, but swimming through the mist, and then through night-dark waters.  I swam up to the shore of a small island, cast in shadows under another full moon and clear night sky.  A temple rose in the middle of the island, open to the air and consisting of little more than nine great free-standing columns, but I walked around the island before ascending.  The beach was sandy, the rise covered in greenery and large rocks and bits of fallen masonry.

When I ascended to the temple, I found two figures there: a beautiful naked man, laying still but tumescent on a slab, and a woman in pale robes standing over him.  Neither moved at all, even when I approached.  Like most of the other figures I have encountered when travelling UP rather than DOWN, there was a hollow, static quality about them.

So I descended the stairs and set my sights on the moon above.  Strangely, I had difficulty flying.  I had to conjure a wind to lean into, like I did when I first learned to fly in my dreams almost ten years ago.  Finally airborne, I flew upward into the moon.   This time, rather than flying through a portal, it was like a window or a door: passing through I found a new void, full of points of light linked by lines of power, but when I turned around I could see the temple and the two figures far below me, as if I were looking out of one space and into another.

When when my back was turned, I suddenly felt something tugging me, as if by a cord.  I turned to look, and a vast spirit was pulling me “upwards”.  In retrospect it was foolhardy, but my instinct was to trust this entity (spirit? god?)—I thought it might be the god who called to me from the sky on the the night of my Dedication(2).  I don’t know if it could read my mind, or if it was just amused at the world in general, but it pulled me up to itself through a “hole” between spaces much like the one I had just passed through, then flung me further “upward” into a vast and empty void.

The second void was very much like the one from which I had just been thrown, only it felt much larger.  The star-like points of light were more distant and the threads between them were gossamer-fine.  No sooner did I think to myself “Whoa!  I wonder if this is where the Masters of Outer Darkness(3) live?”, then I saw a shimmer in the distance, and soon a lion-headed serpent appeared.  I was nervous, but “sat” cross-legged and waited for the creature to make a move.  It approached, as did more of its kind, and began circling me… at which point I really wasn’t sure what I ought to do if they did prove hostile, and the same entity which had thrown me out into that deeper void in the first place pulled me back “down” in the same manner.

Back in the lesser void, I could feel a disturbance of some sort back in the waking world.  Having accomplished what I’d intended—locating the Palace of the Moon and exploring the Realm of Yesod/Luna—I returned to my body.

1 A lungful of (100% legal) blue sage this evening, instead of my usual absinthe.  I was suffering from the delusion that I might do more homework after my trip.

2 Which, pawing through my archives for a link, I still haven’t written about.  Fuck me running.

3 Ever read Michael Harner?  p. 7 of the Harper paperback 3rd Ed.

Sept Full Moon Reading

It was an intense Esbat – easily the most magickal work I’ve done solo since I left Lawrence, possibly the most ever.  I should write about all that.  But my mind has been turned to the future:

 

HOUSE

CARD

GENERAL MEANING

INTERPERETATION

1st – Self, Viewpoint

the window through which you and the world view one another

 

Princess of Swords

clarity & mental renewal; restlessness and quarrelsome behavior

conflict & clarification

The Princess of Swords is a fairly natural outlook for someone in school, and the quarrelsome angle totally fits me all day long.

2nd – Finances, Income

communication, neighbors, short distance travel

Prince of Wands

new momentum, initiative, and enthusiasm

readiness for action; taking risks; renewal

My financial aid doesn’t quite cover my housing, so a change in my financial situation is welcome news. It looks like I’ll need to go out on a limb to take advantage of this, but I’m prepared for that.

3rd – Daily Experiences

immediate influences

6 Disks – “Success”

increase, gain, favorable synergy, welcome developments

encourages taking advantage of situations as they present themselves

It looks like life will continue to improve over the course of the month, so long as I don’t turn down opportunities as they come my way.

4th – Home-place

family, land, roots

Queen of Swords

clr – 4 S – “Truce”

 

The Queen of Swords being a very odd card for the 4th House, I asked for clarification … and was given the Four of Swords. I can only take this to mean that I must be discerning in the balance I achieve between rest and work, and in the battles I pick.

5th – Fun / Pleasure

children, hobbies, lovers

VII the Chariot

thirst for adventure, boldness

new relationship, making a leap forward

I’m starting to get restless – even if I didn’t just know that, it’s there in the 1st House – and, fortunately, it looks like there’s going to be things to do and people to see (and very likely, hopefully, vice versa).

6th – Work

illness, duty, routine

3 Swords – “Sorrow”

clr – 9 C – “Happiness”

bad news, heartbreak

miscalculation, not passing an exam

bliss, meaningful experience, enjoyment of work

This clarification turned into more of a contradiction. I can only infer that, in my enjoyment of my studies and residence life, I may loose track of my priorities and fuck something up but good.

Or, maybe everything will go well except that no amount of scientific medicine or magical healing will clear up this sinus hell.

7th – Partnership

associations, spouse

6 Cups – “Pleasure”

reawakening spirits, emotional recovery, well-being

blossoming feeling; sensual pleasure; sexual fulfillment

This is interesting in the way that it agrees with the 5th House, which usually speaks more to short-term lovers, as opposed to the “marriage” ideas associated with this House.

This is doubly interesting in that I’m explicitly looking for … not “casual”, because it’s never that for me, but certainly nonexclusive.

8th – Taboo / Crisis

sex, death, taxes, loans

rebirth and renewal

3 Disks – “Works”

the process of transforming ideas to reality; slow progress and consolidation

encourages cementing that which has already been achieved

This seems to expand on the opportunities presented in the 2nd House. I need to keep my irons in the fire and work them slowly, but methodically.

9th – Higher Perception

journey, movement

IV the Emperor

willingness to take responsibility; security and leadership

structure, order, and realistic thinking

The Emperor is not a card I generally associate with anything spiritual, but it makes sense in light of the fact that I will be beginning my month of Malkuth-work in two days.

10th – Recognition

career, ambition, status

Queen of Cups

sensuality, devotion

spiritual tasks and artistic inspiration

I am going to be more recognized for my creative and magical works this moon. I should really send out some of my stories again.

11th – Friendships

groups, social activities

I the Magus

activity, resolution, will power, concentration, mastery

attraction, taking the first step, accepting oneself and others

Returning again to themes seen in the 5th and 7th Houses, this will be a busy month for my social calendar.

12th – Secrets & Fears

hopes, ambitions

V the Heirophant

search for truth, experience of meaning, expansion of consciousness

search for meaning; self-examination

The Heirophant is a card I rarely associate with anything good, but I must keep in mind that Crowley’s Heirophant of the Age of Aquarius (Horus) is not the Pope of the Age of Pisces. This, too, may refer to my experiments in ceremonial magick. Or possibly to my desire to set myself up as an occult spiritual leader here on campus.

+2 – Current Position /

Outside Influences

Prince of Cups /

5 Swords – “Defeat”

 

The Prince of Cups is my card, so to see him at the center here is no surprise. That lies in the 5 of Swords – a card which seems to belie the otherwise overwhelmingly positive reading. Will I be betrayed this month? Forced to eat crow repeatedly? Will this be the manifestation of the “Sorrow” seen in the 6th House?

THEMES

 

Me / You

– 1st, 7th

Princess of Swords &

6 of Cups

I will be intellectual, cantankerous, and my usual self. They will be sensual and inexplicably drawn to me.

From Where To Where

– 4th, 10th

Queen of Swords to

Queen of Cups

While the Queen of Swords makes little sense to me on her own in the 4th House, as a part of this pair she makes perfect sense. Evolving events will help me move from the hard, more distant, cerebral, and cold parts of my personality to the more fluid, more intuitive and intimate, warm expressions.

Fire

– 1st, 5th, 9th

temperament and self-development

Prince of Swords

VII the Chariot

IV the Emperor

The Prince of Swords cannot stand up to the combined might of the Emperor and the Chariot – two of the most fiery Trumps in the deck. I’m going places, and I’m going full-tilt-boogie. Passion will overrule intellect.

Earth

– 2nd, 6th, 10th

home, money and work

Prince of Wands

3 Swords & 9 Cups

Queen of Cups

There is no earth in my Earth Trine. That never bodes well, despite otherwise auspicious indications in that direction.

Air

– 3rd, 7th, 11th

ideas, contacts, and conversation

6 Disks – “Success”

6 Cups – “Pleasure”

I the Magus

Earth, water, and the Magus – it’s going to be a very Epicurean month, and I’m going to love it.

Water

– 4th, 8th, 12th

intuition, yearnings, and moods

Queen of Swords

3 Disks

V the Heirophant

Although there is a Queen here, she is the Queen of Air. My Watery nature will, for this month at least, largely be dominated by the other elements.

Underlying Theme

XIX the Sun

 

Over all, I think things are going to do damn fucking well.

The takeaway here is opportunity: in particular, the opportunity to secure my rent money, and the opportunity to get laid.  This is welcome news.

Corn Moon Rite

I posted about my full moon reading yesterday, but the ritual itself bears mentioning as well.  It was the first in the new home, the last I’ll be able to perform with Aradia until Yule at the soonest, and the only magical rite in which my mother has ever participated. 

In keeping with that last point, and because we were all too overwhelmed and exhausted to do any serious heavy lifting, we kept it simple.  Rather than alternating in silence, as Aradia and I usually do, or assigning a call to each of the participants – as we have historically with larger groups – I took the lead, calling on the “powers and spirits” of each element, while Aradia and my mother followed behind.  We cast the circle hand-to-hand, and a storm hit exactly as we finished.

We called upon the moon to help establish the household and to aid in the transition.  The three of us then worked together to charge a bottle of water with moon energy.  Finally, we closed the circle and went outside to see what was going on.

The storm was still blowing in, but the tree outside my front door had already dropped a massive load of sticks and twigs.  This was where my mother really shone, and proved that with little or no actual instruction in what I do, she already knew enough: she encouraged me to collect a particularly attractive fallen twig to add to my altar.  As the storm continued, I set the moon water outside to continue charging, along with my amethyst orb.  Both were tingling when I brought them in shortly before dawn.

Corn Moon Reading

It’s that time again.  I haven’t done (or have done, but haven’t actually spent any time with) my full moon readings since the last time I posted here.

It’s appropriate, then, that this be my first post from the new Temple: a one-bedroom apartment where the sun first rises over the state of Indiana.  I moved in the night before the full moon, and performed a simple Esbat and house blessing (which I will write about later), and did my monthly reading.

HOUSE

CARD

GENERAL MEANING

SPECIFIC MEANING

1st – Self, Viewpoint

 

Ace of Swords

New beginnings, esp. ideas. Thirst for knowledge. Opportunity and clear decisions.

 

2nd – Finances, Income

 

3 Swords

Heartbreak, disappointment, bad news, miscalculation.

Miscalculation, threat of loss.

3rd – Daily Experiences

immediate influences

Knight of Cups

Tender, romantic man; seducer and charmer. Expression of feelings.

Incidentally, the card who rules my birthday.

4th – Home-place

family, land, roots

XXI the World

Completion, joy of living. Being in the right place at the right time. Fulfillment and reconciliation. Warns against thinking one has reached the goal.

 

5th – Fun / Pleasure

children, hobbies,

Ace of Cups

New beginnings, esp. emotions & relationships. Bliss and opportunity.

 

6th – Work

illness, duty, routine

3 Disks

Taking concrete steps; translating ideas into reality. Slow process.

Stabilizing what one has achieved; turning projects into reality. The semester is starting in a week. I think the meaning here is pretty clear.

7th – Partnership

associations, spouse

8 Disks

Cautious new beginning. Moderation. Care and patience. Encourages letting time do the work for you.

 

8th – Taboo / Crisis

sex, death, taxes, loans

XX Judgment

Transformation and new beginnings. Hope and self-discovery. Spiritual development. Career progress.

 

9th – Higher Perception

journey, movement

3 Cups

Partnership, fulfillment, joy, exchange and rich harvest.

Gratitude.

10th – Recognition

career, ambition, status

XVI the Tower

Collapse, catastrophe, and new beginnings. Upheaval. Breakthrough. Liberation. Fate.

Radical change. A tour de force.

11th – Friendships

groups, social activities

4 Wands

Stability, order, and harmony. The Wheel of Fortune in miniature. Partnership and completion.

 

12th – Secrets & Fears

hopes, ambitions

Queen of Swords

Wealth of ideas, presence of mind, quick-witted. Independent. A person (particularly a woman) who exhibits these characteristics.

Of course I want to be the Queen of Swords. Or meet her. And of course I’m scared of her – you think I’m stupid or something?

+2 – Current Position /

Outside Influences

7 Wands

Doing battle from the higher ground. Risking a single-handed effort. Growing beyond one’s limits. Taking a risk or hard assignment.

 

4 Swords

Peace. Rest. Stasis. Calm before the storm. Building one’s strength.

Underlying Theme

Queen of Disks

Fertility, sense of security, sensuality, serenity, endurance. Dedication to the task with endurance and patience

 

THEMES

 

Me / You

– 1st, 7th

Ace of Swords

 

I really have no idea where this is going. “Focus on your self and let time take care of the rest”?

8 Disks

 

From Where To Where

– 4th, 10th

XXI the World

 

Neither of these cards come as a surprise this month. I just finished disassembling one life and must now begin building a new one.

XVI the Tower

 

Fire

– 1st, 5th, 9th

Ace of Swords

 

Two aces – air and water. Another water card – the highly auspicious 3. But there are no fire cards in my fire trine. My passion is a hurricane, not a firestorm.

Ace of Cups

 

3 of Cups

 

Earth

– 2nd, 6th, 10th

3 Swords

Heartbreak, failure.

My material world has come apart and must be put back together. Nothing I didn’t already know.

3 Disks

Craft and process.

XVI the Tower

The shiny red reset button.

Air

– 3rd, 7th, 11th

Knight of Cups

Feelings and their expression.

My mind is going to be on everything but my mind this month. That’s something I’m going to have to be careful of.

8 Disks

Patience and meticulous process.

4 Wands

Completion and stability.

Water

– 4th, 8th, 12th

XXI the World

 

Again the major arcana speaking of completion and reconstruction. And again with the air-water connection.

XX Judgment

 

Queen of Swords

Discernment, brilliance

There haven’t been many surprises in this reading – well, except 8D, which might refer to my transforming relationship with Aradia (who has not moved to Sunrise, IN with me) or might refer to something new coming along much sooner than I would have expected or wanted.

There are only three major arcana cards in my reading, but they’re all doozies: XXI, XX, and XVI. I have pressed the shiny red reset button on my life.

Given the amount of upheaval in my life, it’s no surprise that my elements are out of balance. My air and water are cross wired – QS in my water trine, KnC in my air ; the AS and AC in my fire – and I have no wands except for the 4 in my air. I’m going to have to work very hard to keep from getting completely out of balance.

A Hasty but Productive Esbat

Last Friday I looked down at my calendar and was surprised to see that the full moon was that coming Sunday.  Given my recent track record, I wasn’t particularly surprised to be unaware of the moon’s phase – I was more shocked that I’d caught myself in time.

By Sunday, Aradia and I planned a dinner but no ritual and had gotten the house just barely clean enough to cook and host … but hadn’t quite planned the ritual.  We ended up playing it by ear, which worked out fantastically.

After working together off and on for the last year and a half, we’ve found that our synergy is such that we do not use traditional quarter-calls.  Instead, each of us takes a turn leading as we attune to each of the elements.

The Circle came together with a potency the likes of which I haven’t seen in some time.  After years of performing such rituals, our space is … accustomed to it.  Attuned.  Generally, we conjure a Circle to the perimeter of the office/temple area then push it out to the edges of the household.  That night it sprang up in two layers simultaneously: one around the temple, one at the edge of the property.

We had a bowl of water that we blessed, and which I used to consecrate a goddess-image I’ve been working with and which we (later) used to top off our latest batch of kobucha.  We charged a jar of tomato juice that Aradia used as a basis for a round of get-well potion.  Each of us took the opportunity to do a bit of candle-magic.

The chief purpose for the ritual was to provide a jump-start for our magical lives.  Though such things are traditionally reserved for the Dark Moon, the centerpiece of our ritual was a journey to the Underworld.  Specifically, we visited the Realm of Fire, using a meditative aide by Christopher Penczak from the Outer Temple book.

Finally, we concluded our rite with divination.  My own spread, I have already shared.  The others, of course, did their own.

April Full Moon Reading

The full moon came as something of a surprise to me this month … again.  But the good news is that I saw the mark on the calendar before it had passed, and everything sort of fell into place after that.

Pasiphae and Aidan joined Aradia and I on Sunday night.  We played the whole thing by ear and it turned out wonderfully.  Well, it all turned out wonderfully except for the reading I did.  The tarot doesn’t often give me bad news.  This month I had a lot of it.

Now, my annual reading promised me an Ace of Wands April and a Prince of Wands May (or perhaps an AW Aries and an PrW Taurus … next Samhain I’ll be more specific when I do that reading).

HOUSE CARD GENERAL SPECIFIC
1st – Self, Viewpoint XVIII the Moon Unconscious forces, self-deception.  Facing the conflict between  internal forces Fear of the threshold.  Refusal to face something.  Self-deception.
Why, yes, I am pretty freaked out about this whole transition thing.  Why do you ask?
2nd – Finances, Income XVI the Tower Swift, shocking, and dramatic change. Radical change, but for better or worse?  The Tower is almost always for worse.  This worries me greatly.
3rd – Daily Experiences
immediate influence
X the Wheel of Fortune Rise or fall of fortune.  Transition to new phase.
Fate.
Transition via montage.
4th – Home
family, land, roots
6 Cups Childhood.  Nostalgia.
The Past.
Emo nostalgia whining.  Perhaps Aradia and I will be dwelling overmuch on the end of things.  Or perhaps I will simply be dwelling overmuch on the parallels between this situation and my previous departures from KC and St.L.
5th – Fun & Pleasure
children, hobbies
Ace of Swords Sense of power.  Strength.  Matters of intellect.  Decisions. School = fun?
Decision making.
6th – Work
illness, duty, routine
10 Cups Joy, emotional fulfillment, harmony, prosperity. Retirement?  Conclusion of business deal?
Graduation?
7th – Partnership XXI Justice Being judged.  A fair outcome.  Equilibrium, restoration of balance, strategy. Fair agreements, balanced life.
8th – Taboo / Crisis
sex, death, taxes, loans
5 Swords Defeat.  Kicking ass and taking names (but theirs or mine?).  One-ups-manship.  Embarrassment. MOHELA screws me?  I have to borrow more money from somewhere?
9th – Higher Perception 5 Pentacles Illness, misery, poverty. Disappointment,trouble.
10th – Recognition
career, status, ambition
5 Cups Decision regretted.  Loss.  Mourning. This does not bode well.
11th – Friendships Page of Pentacles Education.  Students. I suspect this means someone from my classes will be important this month.
12th – Secret Hopes & Fears
hopes, ambitions
Queen of Swords A cold, calculating person. Am I going to need to cut someone’s head off this month?  Or is this about my need to make my school decisions as rationally as possible
+2 – Current / Outside Influences Queen of Wands / XXI the World Balance of life and work.  Competence, energy, drive.  //
Natural conclusion, End of a journey. 
Although phrased dramatically, this is no news.  This appears to be very much about the end of my career at my junior college.  My concern is that I’m missing something here.

THEMES

Me & You – 1st & 7th – Moon, Justice

In many instances, the major arcana are the clearest symbols.  In their places, above, they are not incomprehensible – though “Justice” does confuse me a little as a relationship card – but as a progression … I must admit myself to be a little bit lost.

From Where to Where – 4th & 10th – 6 Cups, 5 Cups

This progression – or regression – appears straightforward.  I am going to spend a lot of time this moon second-guessing myself, looking at the path I’ve taken and the choices I’ve made.

Fire – 1, 5, 9 – Moon, 10 Cups, 5 Pentacles

There are no fire cards in my fire trine.  I have a watery major arcana, a water card, and an earth card.  This is a fairly serious imbalance.

Banzhaf’s Keywords says that this trine speaks to temperament and self-development, from which perspective these cards are a particularly mixed bag.  The facing of fears and delusions; emotional pinnacle and contentment; physical (or psychic?) illness.  I really need to keep my head straight this month.

Earth – 2, 6, 10 – the Tower, Ace of Swords, 5 Cups

There are no earth cards in my earth trine.  I have the Tower, a card that defies categorization, an air card, and a water card.  My material situation looks … well, I don’t think the word “dire” is entirely out of line. 

It’s no surprise that the Ace of Swords – ideas – will consume a great deal of my time.  I am still taking classes, after all.  The others, though …

Air – 3, 7, 11 – Wheel of Fortune, Justice, Page of Pentacles

Though Justice is an airy card, it is still of the major arcana, and the Wheel of Fortune defies categorization in the same way the Tower does.

Two major arcana cards in my air trine indicates that this is going to be a big issue.  Fortunately all of these cards are fairly fortuitous.  Things look good for my intellectual and artistic life.

Water – 4, 8, 12 – 6 Cups, 5 Swords, Queen of Swords

Only in my water trine do I have any cards of the associated element.  Here, it is the 6 of Cups – childhood memories and nostalgia.  The other two cards are air, demonstrating the primacy of my intellectual/rational life over my emotional needs and concerns.

Interestingly, this is the only trine without a major arcana card.  Whatever troubles I may have here, they will likely be less significant than those related to the other three elements.

March Full Moon Reading

The full moon came while Aradia and I were on a mad, seven-day road trip to visit four of the schools to which I have applied.  We were in Chicago, staying with old friends, and managed to take the time to do our monthly readings. 

My annual reading promised me a 5 of Swords month in March, which I definitely felt – late papers, stress, exhaustion – and an Ace of Wands month for April, which I am definitely already experiencing – with nearly 4000 words written already on various school and personal projects, and a new short story draft completed.

Here is my reading for the moon which has almost passed:

HOUSE

CARD

GENERAL MEANING

SPECIFIC MEANING

1st – Self, Viewpoint

6 Cups

reawakening of the spirits, emotional recovery, and well-being

enjoyment of work, finding one’s center, and being open to experiences

2nd – Finances, Income

8 Disks

Cautious new beginning, moderation, and patience

waiting for an opportunity,

3rd – Daily Experiences

immediate influences

Knight of Swords

versatility, experience, emphasis on the rational mind,

moving directly toward one’s goal

4th – Home-place

family, land, roots

3 Cups

fulfillment, joy, well-being

fruitful relationship, time of joy

5th – Fun / Pleasure

children, hobbies,

IX the Hermit

contemplating what is essential, seclusion

stay home and do homework instead

6th – Work

illness, duty, routine

9 Cups

optimism, meaningful experiences, quiet happiness

enjoyment of work, advantageous conclusion of contract

7th – Partnership

associations, spouse

6 Disks

increase, material gain, welcome development

fruitful relationship, happiness in love

8th – Taboo / Crisis

sex, death, taxes, loans

8 Cups

weakness, broken hopes, resignation

I’m afraid of failure: duh

9th – Higher Perception

journey, movement

10 Wands

blocked development, problems with authority, “straight jacket”

mastering inner tensions through external effort

10th – Recognition

career, ambition, status

XIII Death

parting, natural end, renunciation

fulfilling an assignment, retirement

11th – Friendships

groups, social activities

VII the Chariot

mood of departure, thirst for adventure, assertive will

new relationship, animated impulse, decisive action

12th – Secrets & Fears

hopes, ambitions

10 Cups

fulfillment, culmination, success,

yes, I’m just as scared of victory as of defeat.  duh

+2 – Current Position / /

Outside Influences

Ace of Cups / 5 Cups

bliss, inner wealth, openness //
dashed expectations, disappointement
 

the Full Moon, a Feast, and My Decision to Buy a Besom

Aradia and I celebrated the full moon two nights ago, and had our early Samhain feast last night.  Neither of these would be as significant, except that we’ve rather “fallen off the wagon” with both our magical practices and our social lives.  So we decided it was time to have a party.

The story actually starts last weekend, getting the house ready for an old friend of Aradia’s to visit from St. Louis.  Reflecting our mental and emotional states as I creep up on six months of unemployement and we both struggle with classes, our house was something of a disaster.  Our house altar had been almost untouched since our practice group stopped meeting shortly after the Summer Solstice.  It took us most of the week, but the house was clean (if not cleansed) and the altar prepared for Samhain less than half an hour before Firebird & Crew arrived.

Firebird brought three friends with her : two fellow spinners/manipulators, A and C, and A’s ladyfriend N, who invited herself along despite not having any actual interest in the entire affair.  MagicCat didn’t like them at all, which turned out to be a red flag.  Firebird was good fun, but her friends should have just stayed in St.L.  By the time they left, Aradia, myself, and our house were all toxic.  So we cast a circle and cleansed the house like we should have done before they got there.

Suddenly, everything was beautiful again.  The Circle snapped into place as soon as we lit the Air candle, like we’d never left off.  We went room-to-room with a burning wand of white sage and a lavender oil mister.  We even did the porch.

Living with another witch for the last year has really changed my mind on a lot of things.  Aradia and I went to the KC Renaissance Festival a month or so ago, and one of the vendors we passed by specialized in ornate “decorative” brooms.  For the first time, I found myself seriously thinking about owning and using a besom.  Given my absurdly macho, psuedo-ceremonial roots, this is not a tool that most of the things I’ve done or studied put any emphasis on.  I’ve only used a besom once, in fact, when I helped make one for a workshop out at Heartland this last May.  When we went back to the Faire last weekend with Firebird & Crew, we passed the same vendor and I found myself thinking – not “is this a tool I need?” but “which of these would be best for me?”.  Apparently I had made my decision sometime in between … probably while pushing the broom.

Fast forward a week.  The house is actually still clean, though in need of some work.  We’re both still in a fantastic mood, despite the stress.

I originally had plans for Friday night, but they were canceled when the gremlins in Aradia’s car threw a party to remind everyone they were still there.  I don’t remember exactly what she said about her own plans for the evening, but my response …

“It’s the full moon?”

When I say fell off the wagon, I’m not fucking joking.

We went over to Aradia’s family’s house to help them with the annual brush-burn and to incinerate a few things that that should have been disposed of long ago.  We took our drums and tranced out for a while before doing our full moon tarot readings.  It wasn’t formal, structured, or intense, but it was what we needed.  We need to work our way back up to intense, and we’ve got about seven days.  (Samhain’s totally going to kick my ass.)

Saturday came, and with it our pre-Samhain pumpkin party.  We didn’t know what anyone’s plans for the actual weekend would be, or if there would be a ritual at all, so we decided to host a feast and carve jak-o-lanterns.  The invitations went out almost a month ago.

I helped Aradia make pumpkin soup out of the five kuri pumpkins (the green-and-orange ones) you saw on the altar, and Aradia made a loaf of amazing tasty bread.  We drank tasty pumpkin beer.  My parents brought an amazing autumn stew.  Our neighbor, K, brought pumpkin-filled doughnuts.  Our friends Pasiphae and Aiden brought a feast all by themselves: pumpkin-banana bread, pumpkin-cheesecake pie, and Halloween-themed jell-o-snacks.  (They also brought their munchkins – the MagicCat was not amused.) 

We all had so much fun that we never got to the pumpkin carving part.