Beltane Epiphany

beltane-1

Aradia and I celebrated Beltane this year with a brief but much-needed retreat to Camp Gaea at the beginning of last week.  Our ritual was small and private: the ritual burning of the leftovers of our magical practice since Samhain — sigil sketches, expired maeteria, and the like — and the detritus of the job I was let go from at the beginning of the year.  There was a great deal more of the latter than the former — despite the planetary witchcraft experiment, which has yielded largely negative results, the majority of our magical energy over the last year has gone toward the coming festival — and I believe that I got a great deal more out of our ritual than she.

That night and in the morning, I was struck by an epiphany of sorts.   It came to me in the form of one of the first lines I wrote for the Earth Ritual, with which we  will open HPF 2016: “We are of the Earth, upon earth, and, in the end, below the Earth.”

Two nights later, when I performed the Stele of Jeu for the Dark Moon — my first return to that ritual in many months — the power came, as usual, but to little effect.  Previously, when I have performed the Headless Rite, the power has rushed out into my Kingdom, opening fissures in the landscape of my life even as it filled others.  This time, however, it merely rippled out over a smooth plane, affecting nothing except perhaps to burnish the already polished surface.

For three solid years in the Sunrise Temple, and more haphazardly since coming back to Kansas City, I devoted myself to courting the spirits of the Upper Worlds — spirits of the stars and planets, of the Heavens Above.  When I tried to bring my practice back to the home-place of Witchcraft, I tried to do it incrementally.  My first forays back into witchcraft merely changed the means by which I sought those starry powers, re-callibrating my rites into things that would make sense to witches who, eclectic though they may be, had never dabbled in the Legemeton or the Golden Dawn.  I didn’t want to just abandon all that I had learned.  I wanted to, somehow, bring back the wisdom and the power I had learned among the stars.

This, I believe now, was precisely backwards.  Someday, I will write my book on planetary witchcraft.  But first I must make myself, again a witch, rather than the sorcerer I have become.

What I need to do now is resume my former devotion to the gods and powers . This will, of course, almost certainly prove to be a false dichotomy in the end. But I must follow the path where I see it.

 

Adrift

The Empress, according to Jessa Crispin, is sometimes an indication to do more rather than less, to revel in your fecundity, to make use of your resources as diversely as possible.[1]

The Empress has featured prominently in my readings over the last quarter, but I did not learn this about her until this last week … mere days after I was let go without notice from my position at the jewelry repair shop where I have worked, now, for just over eight years.  My position was eliminated to make room in the budget for another sales person, a decision which speaks volumes about the company they were becoming.  That sort of decision making is, of course, why I was already looking to leave, albeit on my own terms.  The decision having been taken from me, I find myself feeling liberated rather than diminished.  I am now free to embrace the empress.

This is not to say that I have not spent a great deal of the last week reeling.  Even welcome change can be a shock.  But, more than anything, I have spent the last six days working diligently at my art, my obligations to the HSA, and the maintenance of my home.

In the month since my last post, there have been so many things which I have tried to write about, but found myself wordless for a variety of reasons.  But they all come down, I think, to this: capitalism is torture.

Yes, I am a historian.  And, yes, I do know how hard people in pre-capitalist societies had to work to put food in their bellies.  Frankly, that’s the point: most of what 21st Century capitalists know about the world before before 1865 is the lies they commissioned to make the past look nastier.  Before our current level of labor specialization, before the theft of the means of production, peasants were oppressed but rarely starving, and they had the tools to grow their own food and manufacture their own goods, and sufficient surplus to trade for what they could not make.  And let’s not even get into what a bad deal the agrarian revolution turned out to be, ten thousand years before the rise of industry.

Work is toil.  Capitalism is torture.  And in the week since I was “terminated” (think really hard about how fucked up that metaphor is for just a minute), I have been physically and spiritually healthier than I had in months.  My allergies are receding, despite the early onset of spring.  My sleep has improved in quality, and though I haven’t gone to bed a minute earlier, I’ve been getting up earlier and more energized.

I am adrift, now.  My circumstances (fortunate in so many ways, compared to so many others, a fortuitous intersection of luck, privilege, and preparation) are such that I must find new employment.

But I am not rudderless.  I have a trade.  I have a number of other skills.  And I am always willing and able to train.  And, with a little bit of luck and maybe a bit of help, I might just be able to leverage myself into my own employer.

A few short pieces of my fiction will be available for sale, soon, as ebooks.  And I’m going to keep submitting my novel for publication until I have the means to open my own publishing company(only about $500 with careful use of print-on-demand services).  And my photos are even now for sale.

Expect to see more art here in the near future.

And expect to see more magic.

In the meantime, my apologies for my unreliable posting schedule.

  1. Crispin, Jessa.  The Creative Tarot: A Modern Guide to an Inspired Life.  New York: Touchstone, 2016.  pp43-44

In Defense of Negativity

Negativity gets a lot of bad press in the modern neoPagan movement.  “You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.”  That’s not a terrible idea, you’re just being negative. “Negativity.  It can only affect you if you’re on the same level.  Vibrate higher.” Depression isn’t real, you’re just being negative.  Sexism and racism aren’t real, you’re just letting other people’s negativity get to you.  “Negative Nancy gained an electron or lost a proton.  Either way she’s unstable.”

Fuck y’all.  Eat urinal cakes and die.  The fuck even is negativity?

I’ll tell you what negativity is: it’s dogwhistle code.  It’s code for experiencing an emotion that makes other people uncomfortable.  It’s code for not laughing at oppressive jokes.  It’s code for holding people accountable for their actions.  It’s code for not accepting apologies.

Damn right, I’m negative.  I’m too emotional to be butch.  Too large and hairy to be femme.  Too young to be an authority.  Too old to be relevant.

My first impulse, of course, is to just blame the New Agers and be done with it, but that would be oversimplifying things.  The poison actually comes from the well of mainstream culture.  And there’s this whole awkward parallel with the fundamentalist Christian mad on against “bitterness” (here code for “not submitting gracefully”).  But that’s another conversation.  When it comes right down to it, I don’t give two wet shits where the admonition against negativity comes from.

I’m here to speak in defense of negativity.

Firstly, I wish to speak in defense of emotional negativity.  You have the right to be sad.  You have the right to be angry.  You have the right to be depressed.  Each and every damn one of us have the right to our mental illnesses and to the full range of emotional states.  Can we have  conversation about how our resulting behavior effects others?  Sure.  Some other day.  Because “don’t be so negative” isn’t saying “please don’t treat me badly”, it’s saying “your emotional state is inconvenient for me so straighten up”.  I’m sorry my lack of constant joy is inconvenient for you; you being an asshole about my depression actually does me structural harm.

Emotional policing and concern trolling is abusive behavior.  Fucking quit that shit, you damn assholes.

Secondly, I wish to speak in defense of negativity in a more general sense.  Pointing out the bad behavior of well-loved people within a community is often dismissed as negativity.  So is pointing out that a practice or policy is either unhelpful or actively harmful.  Often, advocating for any change whatsoever is dismissed as “negativity.”

Can someone please explain to me what’s wrong with getting shit done?  Or how you’re supposed to fix problems without first identifying that they exist?  And if I have to tell you six times that a window is broken, I may be less polite the third, forth, and fifth time.  and I may just yell at you the sixth.  That doesn’t magically mean the window is just fine and that there was nothing ever wrong with it and maybe there wasn’t even a window there in the first place.

Elemental Excursions

So it seems that, in all the alternating depression and excitement of the last month, I forgot to announce some fairly important and amazing news!

My artwork was selected to represent the theme of this year’s Heartland Pagan Festival!

elemental excursions art

My formal Artist’s Statement reads as follows:

The image is constructed of circles interlocking in the manner of Celtic knots.  The outer four circles contain the traditional alchemical symbols for the four Classical Elements: Earth, Air, Water, and Fire.  The central circle reveals a landscape at sunset or sunrise, with a road stretching from the foreground plains to the sun-topped mountains in back.  The plains are marked by a lake on the left and a tower on the right.

The symbolism may feel familiar to students of the tarot, particularly decks descended from the images of Pamela Coleman Smith, and this is no coincidence.  The tower by the lake and the road evokes The Moon, which challenges the practitioner to face their fears head on.  The tower, on its own, evokes The Tower from which the unwary fall when they cannot overcome those demons.  The Sun shines down over it all: the mountain cliffs from which The Fool threatens to fall, the road The Chariot traverses, and the field where Death reaps. This is the magical and material World made up of the Elements which we must explore and master.

But here, in this public yet intimate space, I’m just going to come out and say that I’m fucking ecstatic.  Seriously, I cannot even begin to articulate how happy it makes me to have my art representing the festival that has been such a significant part of my life.

Moreover, between my position as Chair of the Sacred Experience Committee, my committee’s close work with the Speakers and Bands Committee, and now the official festival artwork, I have a hand in most of the most visible aspects of Heartland Pagan Festival 2016.  And just to be clear, this is not a power trip.  This is me nerding out hard core.  This festival has been a huge part of my life since I was eighteen years old.  I have attended more festivals than not since 1999 — twelve out of sixteen, if I recall correctly.  And now, just by virtue of having shown up to do the work, I have a significant voice in how this festival is going to be experienced and remembered by everyone who comes this year.

So please, allow me to invite you to join the festivities.  Come to Heartland Pagan Festival 2016 and explore the four elements with me.  (Please forgive the current state of the web page; we’re suffering some technical difficulties, but the registration system DOES work.)  When you get there, look for the long haired, tattooed, hippie fuck in too much eyeliner working the Sacred Experience Committee booth, and tell him you want to throw back some mead with your favorite satyr.

And, if you live close enough that you’d like to get involved, don’t hesitate to member up at the same link.  There’s a lot of work to be done to put on a festival, and we’ll be glad to have you.

Heartland Pagan Festival Sacred Experience Committee Survey

In keeping with my duties as chair of the Sacred Experience Committee, I’m trying to find out what, exactly it is that HPF attendees want out of the main ritual arc.

Would you lovely people who attend the Heartland Pagan Festival be willing to fill out a survey?  We ask a couple questions about your attendance history, your personal practice, and what you think is important about a public ritual.

We have also made a facebook page to make ourselves easier to find.  We are here for the benefit of festival attendees.

As Chair of the Sacred Experience Committee…

[Last month I was elected Chair of the HSA Sacred Experience Committee.  This was my campaign statement, sans a few small redactions.]

Hello, my name is {Satyr Magos} and I’m running for the Chairpersonship of the Sacred Experience Committee.  Although I may not be well known to many of you, I have attended the Heartland Pagan Festival fifteen times since 1998.  I have done my community service with Parking for the majority of those years, and I came as Work Exchange in 2012, working mostly with Traffic and Security, before membering up and working with the SEC for this past year’s festival.

As Chair of the SEC I will bring to bear ten years of experience leading and facilitating small group rituals as a member of the Lawrence and Kansas City Pagan communities.  More broadly, I have been practicing eclectic witchcraft since 1996 and shamanic trance techniques since 2006.  I have dedicated the last four years of my life to mastering Ceremonial and Chaos Magick techniques, and as a Classicist I have a strong foundational understanding of how large-scale ritual functioned both logistically and psychologically in pre-Christian society.  Together, these areas of expertise and experience will make it possible to oversee rituals which are uniquely effective and impressive, drawing on the Western Mystery Tradition as a whole but grounded firmly in the traditions of modern NeoPagan Witchcraft.

My vision for the SEC also involves a stronger community presence.  After last year’s rituals, I had the opportunity to meet and interact with numerous attendees, and found those experiences to be very valuable.  Going forward, I would like for the relationship between the SEC, the HSA as a whole, and the community of festival-goers at large, to be one of greater visibility, greater transparency, and greater accessibility.

In addition to the three main rituals, the Vision Quest, Tea With Crones, and the other existing duties of the Sacred Experience Committee, I will make the Committee available to the community for facilitating rites of passage, initiations, and guerilla rituals throughout the festival.

I will strive to make the Sacred Experience Committee a place where outside input is always welcome.  I will use the committee to actively recruit new members to the HSA.

In Summation: May, June, July

No, I’m not dead.

We put on a fuckin’ festival, y’all.  It was bad-ass.

I, your fuckin’ favorite satyr, have been elected to the position of Chair of the Heartland Spiritual Alliance Sacred Experience Committee.  Aradia has been elected Chair of Public Relations.

I finished writing a novel back in February.  A lot of July went to editing it.  As soon as some friends get back to me with their comments, I’m going to edit some more and try to publish.  First dibs go to Nephelim Press, if they’re interested.  If I can’t get a deal by January, I’m going to self-publish … partially because I’m impatient, partially because it’s too fucking queer and witchy to get mainstream traction anyway.  There are five to ten sequels coming when I’m done with that.  I’m going to start posting excerpts here, soon, because if anyone wants to read my novels about witches and monsters and old gods usurping the goddamn appocalypse it’s you guys.  (Please tell me you want to read my novels.)

July has been lots and lots of photography. There will be more of that here, too.  This was supposed to be an art blog, too.  Art is magick.  Magick is art.

It’s really funny that I actually blogged more when I was in school than in the year since.  Dafuq, y’all?

Sorry about that.  I’m trying to come back.

An individual in a black-and white mask, wearing a white robe and two silver chains with one breast bared, offers you a sword.
Sneak preview. Because I love you.

HPF XXX Workshop: On the Conjuration of Spirits

I forgot to mention something really exciting about the coming festival: I will be running my first workshop.

Between the Ceremonial Experiment and working my way through RO’s Seven Spheres, I’ve been doing a lot of conjuration over the last four years.  Some readers may recall my conjurations of Baphoment (still my most popular post by an obscenely wide margin), cannabis, and my natal daimon and genius.  Friday afternoon, I will be running a workshop based on those experiments and instructing attendees on the theory and practice of spirit conjuration using a spirit and scrying crystal.

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Readers who attend should totally introduce themselves as such!

Image of Venus

Image of Venus

Image of Venus as she appeared to me on Friday 23 January 2015.

A feminine, bare-breasted, brown-skinned figure with green-and-red wings instead of hair and a fire atop her head.  She has a single eye on the right side of her face but which does not restrain itself to the natural dimensions of her head.  She holds a staff in her right hand, bearing the traditional symbol of the planet Venus at the top, and a green robe drapes down from her left shoulder, concealing her arm and all below her waist.  A foaming sea crashes in the background.

I’ll be honest, I expected Venus to be less … complicated.  Certainly less uncanny.  I did not expect the fire imagery, or the cyclopian stare.