Journey Through The Obsidian Dream

I haven’t lived in Indiana for very long. I don’t really have any sacred spaces out here, and while I’m animist/pantheist enough that (in theory) all space is sacred space, the weather lately has sucked so bad that—between the rain, the sleet, and the more rain—going outside just hasn’t been conducive to mediating I any might have wanted to do. So, for practical purposes, the sacred pace I have available to me is my home: the temple I’ve been building and refining since I arrived in August.

The Sunrise Temple has been in good condition ever since I got back from KC: I’ve been cleaning house and cleansing at least once a week. But the altar had gotten cluttered with all the work I was doing in preparation of first driving back to Kansas City, then the work I was doing when I first came back to produce my Learn Greek talismans (the first one when I posted about the, then the second and third [one for my altar, one for my bag] a week later when my backpack ate the first).

Fortunately, I had a Dark Moon to work with this weekend. And I had a lot of work I wanted to do. Saturday night had four things on the slate: trying out Lon Milo DuQuette’s banishing/invocation; cleansing the house; blessing my Dark Moon water; and rebuilding my altar.

Being uncertain how the DuQuette I actually started with the house-cleansing: cleaning up my mess, sweeping the floors (I really want a fancy besom like they sell at the Renaisance Faire), and smudging everything. I really need to do continue doing this no less than once a week. I get scattered when I don’t.

Following that, I did a little preparatory divination. I’ve never done any of DuQuette’s work before, and the ritual blew Aradia’s mind, so it seemed prudent.All the “present” information looked really good, I always love to see a 10S on the way out, and 6S and The Devil seemed like a workable outcome. So I went for it: putting on a random mix of ancient Greek music I stole from the internet and Holst’s Planet Suite, I was ready to get started.

For those who haven’t read DuQuette’s Low Magick, it’s an Inner Working (visualization exercise) and Aradia sums it up pretty well. But neither Ganesha nor Kwan Yin are quite my style. After a week or so of contemplation since finishing the book, I came to the conclusion that Ἔρος was the god for me. And boyhowdy, was s/he.

I disn’t get the sort of transcendental brain-borking Aradia did, but damn did I get high. Just as I was finishing, the music switched from soft, soothing, and ancient to Holst’s Jupiter: the Bringer of Jollity, and I was ready to work.

Behold, my beautiful new altar:

Taller, cleaner, with room for more idols,and with places to store my active projects—particularly the collection of seals and tokens representing the friends who’ve graciously allowed me to include them in my ascendancy/prosperity work. I’m still in the process of fine-tuning the arrangement, of course, but I’m very pleased so far.

I finished everything up by feeding my gods and allies, and preparing my house-wards for the following evenings bigger, better, and potentially explosive experiment.

Next up: Dark Moon 2/3: the Stele of Jeu.

In witchcraft

O, Look! A Controversy Re-Emerges!

Satyr Magos21/01/2012

Apparently, the occult corners of the internet have recently exploded in controversy. Mostly in corners I don’t frequent, actually, although a few of my favorite bloggers have added their two cents (Jason and RO both link to the broader controversy, and also provide a little bit of context). I avoided the “physical” manifestation of spirits brouhaha on account of I haven’t ever done any conjuration and therefore had nothing to contribute (though I hear that didn’t stop everyone). Besides, it’s an old controversy among those who enjoy talking about the theory of magic as much as they enjoy actually doing it. To my warped mind that gives me leave to comment on the matter of “it’s all in your head”.

Interestingly, it’s a subject that’s been on my mind. I have, after all, just finished Lon Milo Duquette’s latest book, in which he advocates the vary theory under debate (which apparently I haven’t gotten around to reviewing; I’ll have to fix that as soon as Sannafrid gives it back). The general direction of my thoughts on this matter can be inferred from an old post of mine. At the time I was speaking of the particular tendency of some Wiccans and New Agers to gloss over the distinctions between cultures and divinities in favor of their own, alternate, fluffy-bunny reality, but the same arguments apply.

Aalways, though, it’s more nuanced than that. Fr. SEA discusses DuQuette’s example of the love spell, which doesn’t make someone love you so much as it makes you into the person your beloved will love back. In the case of the particular example, it makes a great deal of sense. What’s left out of the resulting discussion is how explicitly solipsistic DuQuette’s worldview is: at the end of Low Magick he explicitly states that he’s not entirely certain there is a world outside himself (quote and citation to come when I get the book back in my hands). It’s also meant to be humorous, because Lon Milo DuQuette is a funny, funny guy.

Let’s not forget that Chaos Magick maxim (where did it come from, anyway?): “It’s all in your head, except when it isn’t.” Magic generally takes the path of least resistance in order to get things done. How often have we been admonished to be careful not to kill Grandma for the inheritance with a poorly-targeted money spell? As Gordon so eloquently pointed out: “Magic has an extremely frustrating ability to give you your desired results in the least convenient way possible.” What, by and large, is the least convenient and most energy-efficient way to make change happen? Cramming your own damn square peg into that proverbial round hole, that’s what.

Now, my own take on this is necessarily skewed. Although I have practiced magic for fifteen years, I spent the first decade devoted almost exclusively to pulling my head out of my own ass, getting it screwed on in the proper direction (forward-facing, but never, ever “straight” ;p ), and clearing out the cob-webs. It’s only in the last four or five years that I’ve escalated my outward-focused magic from the web of influence that puts me in the right place at the right time into actually manifesting changes in the world around me. And while that’s been working out for me pretty damn well and very concretely so far, my experience definitely bears out Gordon’s addendum to that above maxim.

All that said, Jason’s take on this is very compelling: that some of the larger entities we deal with cut cross-ways through our measly, mortal, three-or-four dimensional understanding of reality, that they are both within us and without us. That fits in perfectly with my understanding of a spiritual reality which is at the very least equally complex as the material reality, and probably more so by orders of magnitude. So, too, RO’s argument that the distinctions of “within” and “without” are matters of perspective which the clever magician will use as best suits their means and ends.

Still, I remain skeptical of the idea of a “top-down” construction of reality, whether it figures the magician or some Absolute Divinity at the “top”. That Neo-Platonic paradigm and all its children are too simplistic for me, intellectually, and fly in the face of the rational conclusions I have drawn based on my own personal experiences.

Finally, however, I wish to make clear: my conclusions and beliefs are inevitably founded on just that: my own research and personal experiences. All of the stances I have seen so far are well considered and, I assume, similarly founded on years of research and experimentation. Which, if we assume that everyone is operating and arguing in good faith (and I do), only goes to prove that the universe is bigger and more complex than any of our puny, mortal, meat-brains can comprehend.

Love and light, folks. The blessings of your favorite gods on each and every one of you.

In witchcraft

Ceremonial Studies: Refining My Intent

Satyr Magos19/01/2012

When I set myself to the study of the Western Ceremonial tradition it was largely an intellectual exercise. Yes, I expected to be a more competent and powerful witch/magician by the end of it, but I’d already learned the rudiments of sigils from Chaos magic (which I had largely understood as a subset of the ceremonial tradition, though I now know better) and I didn’t imagine that there would be much that would actually stick with me after the experiments were done. After five months of study, I have come to understand just how little of what I thought I knew about the ceremonial tradition has any basis in reality. Conversely, I have found that my chief concern was fairly well founded: I am fundamentally incompatible with some of the powers it deals with, though not in the ways I had imagined. I have also come to recognize what the ceremonial tradition has to offer me personally: access to planetary Powers.

Various manuals of witchcraft that I have read in the course of my life have come with huge tables of plants, rocks, scents, colors, and their planetary correspondences. But the rationale of those correspondences has never really been explained, nor why the attributions and uses of those correspondences varies so radically from the mythologies and portfolios of the divinities for which the planets have been named. My explorations of ceremonial magic have helped me to understand (for example) why it is that Mars, the planet, has so little to do with Mars, the Roman god of war and the citizen-soldier.

More interestingly, particularly from my perspective as a visionary/shamanic witch looking to delve into that most forbidden of arts known as the evocation of spirits, I have learned of the multitudinous hosts and legions of spirits who make up those planetary Powers. Even if, having acquired some skill at conjuration, I decide that it’s not for me, the names and sigils—phone numbers, as Frater Acher describes them (and I need that book)—will still be useful in seeking out contacts by other means.

Despite my best intentions, I am still having difficulty translating my theoretical studies into actual praxis. This is partly a matter of trying to convert certain patterns into ones I understand, partly a matter of struggling to overcome inertia after having fallen off the horse (so to speak) of daily practice.

I want to begin seeking that thing known as “Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel” (or, you know, something along those lines, since I don’t quite buy the “guardian angel” part), but I have not yet settled on a particular ritual to that end. The Stele of Jeu? The Bornless Rite? Liber Samekh? (Sure, they’re all variations on the same tune, but I still need to choose one.) Or some other ritual I haven’t found yet, aimed at the same goal? Right now I’m leaning heavily toward the Stele of Jeu. Very heavily.

When I resume pursing the planetary forces themselves, do I continue with the quasi-Golden Dawn route of Penczak’s High Temple? Do I buy RO’s Gate Rites (I’ve been tempted for a while)? Do I go whole-hog and dig into Abremelin? Frustratingly, a lot of these questions would be a lot easier if I were Christian, or at very least if I weren’t energetically incompatible with the Archangels. I really need to get my hands on a copy of the PGM—both translated and not.

I’ll say this much, though: by the time I’m done, there will be a neo-Pagan grimoire for sale somewhere. I can’t be the only one struggling with some of these issues. And maybe, as I continue, I’ll find that someone else has already done this. Maybe I can use their work, maybe I can build on it, and maybe I’ll blow them out of the water. There’s only one way to find out.

A research paper is no stronger than its thesis. Until now, I had been doing no more and no less than preliminary exploration. Now I have more specific aims—my theses, to continue the metaphor: to get in touch with the Planetary forces, Powers, “elementals” (for lack of a better word) and spirits; to craft rites which fit within a neo-Pagan conceptual framework; and to make those experiments available to the public.

In Uncategorized

Internet Blackout Protest

Satyr Magos17/01/2012

My tech skills are insufficient to “blackout” my page today. Let this suffice instead:

To all who would bind my speech, to those who would silence those they disagree with: you are worthless.

To all who would keep people ignorant, to all those who put profit before people: you are monsters.

For those who fail to see the connections between those who would silence women, those who would bar full citizenship to queers, and those who seek to control the flow of information on the internet: you are ignorant.

May you worthless knaves find wisdom and the strength to stand for what you believe in even in the presence of those who dissent.

May you monsters be undone by your own bloodthirsty pursuit of power.

May you ignorant fools find sight and discernment, and make your allegiances more carefully.

So mote it be.

In Uncategorized

On Witchcraft and the Conjuration of Spirits

Satyr Magos17/01/2012

When I was but a wee faun, new to the madness-inducing arts and sciences of magic and sorcery, I suffered from a number of very strange ideas, most of which I cannot really tell you where they came from. One of those ideas which seems particularly strange in retrospect was a strong taboo against “summoning” spirits in any way shape or form. In all probability, this idea was probably rooted in the fears of the overculture: in the image of doomed, demon-haunted madman who could not banish what he summoned; in stories of spirits enslaved, and the vengeance the wreak upon escape; in horrific stories of possession.

I think, perhaps, that I was also a victim of the neo-Pagan “it’s okay, really, we’re not Satanists” propaganda machine. You see, I discovered magic in 1993, and was an openly practicing Pagan in 1996. Those of you who were of an age and inclination to follow the news may remember that period as the years when the Satanic Panic was beginning to decline. Police and other authorities seemed unable to tell the difference between Wiccans, Vampire LARPers, and actual serial killers. I seem to remember the websites I found and the books I read all admonishing the neophyte to stay away from anything as dangerous and immoral as conjuration and evocation. I wish I could cite a source for this, but few of the books I was reading in that era remain in my possession and none of them have come to Indiana with me.

But however I came to the idea, in my own mind it was an inviolable taboo. “Summoning” was so wicked that, at a time in my life when I absolutely refused to speak any lie whatsoever, I put off a close friend who wanted to conjure an elemental: promising to aid him as soon as I did “more research”. All the while, I was hoping that he would figure out on his own how bad an idea it was, knowing that he wouldn’t listen to my warnings and that if I didn’t “help” him, he would find someone else who would. Part of what reassures me that this idea was not wholly my own is the fact that, sooner rather than later, he came to the desired conclusion: that it was too dangerous an operation to perform. I would add “at our level of experience”, except that I remember how arrogant we were in our ignorance at seventeen years old.

Although I no longer believe that conjuring spirits is inherently immoral or mortally dangerous. Certainly conjuration and evocation pose no greater risk to one’s sanity than any other transcendent experience, and are no more dangerous (possibly less so) than spirit-journeys of an astral or shamanic nature. And I am increasingly skeptical of the idea that a mere magician could force an Archangel or a real demon to do anything it didn’t feel like doing—though the moral concerns of pressing lesser spirits probably still apply. (And let’s just not get started on the moral ambiguity of creating “elementals” and “servitors”. That’s too sticky a wicket for my amateur philosophy. No offense intended to anyone.)

Still, that taboo has lived in my brain for too long: unexamined, not even re-shelved for deconstruction. It’s left a mark that may well affect my relationship to the spirit-world for the rest of my life.

Has anyone else been exposed to this meme? The taboo against “summoning”? If so, have you overcome it? How? (Besides simply doing the work.)

In Uncategorized

My Accidental Motto

Satyr Magos13/01/2012

[Warning: This gets awfully personal.]

When I chose the name Satyr Magos, it was as a literary convention. The name was a sort of joke, a ribald recognition of the sensuality which separates me from so many people who call themselves “magicians”. It was a subtle warning that there was going to be some serious talk about sex and drugs on this blog, in addition to and as a part of the magic (and while there hasn’t been as much of that as I originally intended, there has been enough and there will be more). It was an excuse to draw a mythic caricature of myself.

I knew that it was bad Greek, even though I hadn’t studied any Greek yet. It didn’t matter. I already had two (secret) magical names—one I took at the age of 16 (and later made several unsuccessful attempts to get rid of), and one that I took upon my initiation—and while I intended to take a magical (and public) motto in the Lodge style upon my next initiation, I planned on dabbling a lot with languages and ideas and ceremonial magic before doing so. Rendered into actual Attic Greek, Satyr Magos becomes σάτυρος ὀ μάγος (saturos ho magos), which can be translated as “the satyr is a magician” or “the magician is a satyr” with approximately equal accuracy.

The definition of μάγος was just as sketchy in ancient Greek as “magician” or “sorcerer” (both of which are valid translations are in modern English) and, to the best of my ability to determine (albeit through the limited sources so far available to me), covers approximately the same range of activities and specialties. The most noteworthy difference is that, at least according to Pope’s essay in Witchcraft and Magic of Europe: Ancient Greece and Rome, the word μάγος bore strong connotations of services for sale. And does anybody else remember what it means to be a satyr?

Maybe I just didn’t think it through. I have been blogging under the name Satyr Magos for less than six months, but it’s already seeping into my meatspace identity—both magically and in my “mortal” life. Although I’m not going back to partying like I did a decade ago, I’m feeling a powerful urge to escalate some from where I’m at now, and I’m absolutely running out of patience with people who disapprove of the way I do things now. While I have practiced the socially expected form of serial monogamy for my entire previous adult life, I find I simply have no patience for the dynamics and assumptions it entails. My sense of humor is getting more ribald, and a little bit more cruel. My libido—for both men and women—is through the roof … and my loves and lusts are well reciprocated. When I tried invoking the sexless servants of the God of Abraham, I didn’t run into any of the trouble I expected, but I was completely short-circuited physically (TW: semi-graphic contents which may be particularly upsetting to people who know me IRL). Spirits have started making some pretty wild demands of me that I’m still not sure how to process, much less how to talk about without sounding even crazier than I already do. And I have been feeling an urge to go into business, magically speaking, which I had never felt before taking the “name”.

By and large, I’m comfortable with these changes. Many of them are also in line with the things I have been working on deliberately, and/or are also in line with the Name I took at my last initiation. Some of them may just be the product of advancing age and sharpening radicalism. Some of them are freaking me the fuck out, but that’s part of transformative magic. And that, more than anything else, is what I’m in this game for.

So it seems I have undergone a dedication without realizing it, and took a motto almost by accident. Well, so be it. Σάτυρος ὀ Μάγος it is, at least until I’ve worked my way through this stage of life. But, please: no one address me as Frater S.M.? I’d take it as a kindness.

In Uncategorized

A Brief and Humorous Foray Into My Feminism

Satyr Magos12/01/2012

Yesterday Shakesville, one of my favorite sources of news and criticism, pointed me to an amusing online tool: the Gender Analyzer. This idiot website reads a website and somehow comes to a conclusion on the gender of the writer. Yesterday, it was 62% certain that I am a woman. Today it is even more certain (65%). Who knows what it will say when I update again?

I am unspeakably amused by this. Doubly so as the guy who that he can walk into a gay bar wearing a skirt, nails painted red, and more jewelry than anyone else there … and be mistaken for straight.

Now, the reality of the matter is somewhat more complicated than that. I am male bodied, and generally pass as cisgendered. I don’t actually identify as male, I just let people assume that when explaining that I’m third-gender/genderqueer in a magical-transgressive-shamanic-liminal-brainfuck sense is just way too much work … which, admittedly, is most of the time. In the simplest terms my gender identity is not so much “male” as “witch”. Of course that’s too much for most people to people to parse, let alone a program trained on a measly 2000 cherry-picked blogs.

Further, as Melissa points out, a legit AI experiment would explain more about the rubrics in play. As it is, it reads to me as some sort of bizarre internet gender-shaming devise. It’s also pretty damn clueless. For reference, as I was composing this digression I checked out how several of my favorite bloggers rate:

* Rufus Opus is “quite gender neutral” but also probably (52%) a woman. Which is odd, because he always struck me as fairly butch.

* Scylla rates almost identically (51%) to RO. Right this time, though only barely.

* The Wild Hunt is also identified correctly, though they’re only 65% sure.

* The Tiger Beatdown is probably a man, but also “quite gender neutral” … despite the majority of contributors to the front page being women.

* Deborah is also correctly identified, and they’re somehow much more certain about her (75%)

Food for thought, y’all.

In witchcraft

Colored Pencils and Air-Dry Clay: This Magician’s Best Friends

Satyr Magos12/01/2012

Last night I made my first ever attempt at anything that might be called planetary magic. In the Hour of Mercury on the Day of Mercury, I blended a planetary incense—ground nutmeg, ground majoram, fennel, and lavender (because that was what I had on hand, and could get at my local pagan store; looking to Cunningham’s Book of Shadows for the correspondences)—and made two talismans under the auspices of Mercury.

The first was a pure Planetary Talisman, with the Planetary Talisman of Mercury on one side and the Planetary Seal of Mercury on the other (the Talisman did, indeed, come from Asterion; the Seal I used for refference may have come from anywhere). Because I am a decidedly post-modern Magos, and because I lack the proper tools to inscribe the Talisman legibly into clay, I printed out the Talisman and colored it by hand; pressing the clay onto the back of the paper Talisman, I then scribed the relatively simple geometry of the Seal into clay on the other side.

The second talisman was to a much more specific purpose. Attic Greek kicked my ass last semester, and I can’t afford to let that happen again. Fortunately, I’m a witch, and there are Powers I can call upon for aid; in this case, the Powers of Mercury, the glib god Hermes, and the Titan muse Mneme. The quick wit and silver tongue of Hermes are things that I desperately need, and the aid of goddess of memory even more so; besides, who better to call upon for this assistance than two gods first worshiped in the language I’m trying to learn? Each are credited (by some, obviously conflicting, sources) with inventing language all together!

[More and better pictures once I’ve finished painting them.]

And what was the purpose of the Planetary Talisman, you ask? The specific inspiration came from Lon Milo DuQuette, as I mentioned the other day. In his new book Low Magick, he discusses using planetary talismans to help balance and enhance his life (Low Magick 49-55), as suggested by Israel Regardie (Talismans pp). And I would, of course, be lying if there weren’t a certain element of “to see if I could”.

So … behold! My first ritual magic of the new year! Magic of a sort I have barely dabbled in before! And hot damn, it was fun. Ritual magic plus arts and crafts.

Both talismans are mixed-media, using a combination of printed paper, colored pencils, air-dry clay, scribed with a copper stylus, and painted with acrylic.

In witchcraft

New Year, New You: Checking In With My Goals: Talismans and Astral Projection

Satyr Magos11/01/2012

I set myself a number of goals to complete by then end of break:

Immediate

1) Finish the car-protection talismans … [Complete]

2) Write up my Dark Moon rites … [Complete]

3) Keep up with the New Year New You prompts … [So far, so good]

Short Term: Complete Before Break Ends

1) Interpret the natal chart I’ve calculated for Sannafrid … [FAIL]

2) New title for my book of shadows … [Complete]

3) Research or design and make a talisman to help me with my Greek language studies … [WIP]

4) Resume my attempts at astral projection. [WIP]

So far, I think that I’m doing pretty well.

The car-protection talismans, as it turned out, did not need more work so much as to finish “baking”. A second round of orange (Mercury/Hod) chime candles and a few more days in the altar was all they needed to feel “done”. I could feel mine at work—along with the Ganesha who, as Deborah suggested, now lives on the dash—as I made the drive. There were no scary moments, no construction delays, no cops, and no accidents or detours anywhere between the Western border of Missouri and the Eastern border of Indiana. For those of you who’ve never made that drive, that’s really pretty improbable.

I am even now working on my Mercury talisman to help me with my study of the Ancient Greek language(s). Since I’m going to be drawing on Mercury anyway, I’m thinking now’s as good a time as any to make a more general Mercury talisman to help me with the Retrograde and somewhat afflicted Mercury in my natal chart—an idea for which I must thank Lon Milo DuQuette (Low Magick), who in turn got it from Mr. Israel Regardie. The designs are done (or as done as I get things before going into trance and, well, doing them), and I just need to go shopping for some supplies (Setting up a new temple takes so much work. I might be done before I finish my undergrad. Maybe.) More on that tomorrow when the Work is done.

Last night and the night before, I made my first attempts at astral projection in a number of years. An actual book on the subject does not seem to have made it back to Indiana with me, but fortunately for me: we have the internet. The first night I simply tried to pull the techniques from memory (I did study the subject intensively, once upon a time), and got as far as walking around my apartment … but I made the attempt as part of a larger, visionary Moon-working, and I believe that I was hemmed in by my Circle. The second night (last night) I attempted a sort of modified Monroe technique, and got as far as the vibratory state. Unfortunately, I repeatedly fell asleep while making the attempt and ultimately gave up for the evening. Still: the goal I set myself for “before classes resume” (they resumed today) was to renew my attempts. My goal for success is Valentines Day and the goalpost of the New Year, New You project.

That leaves only one goal for the break between semesters unaccomplished: Sannafrid’s natal chart. I suck. In my defense: I did get a lot done, and her chart is complicated: two very busy Houses, lots of aspects, and three empty Houses.

In witchcraft

Musing On One of My Personal Devils

Satyr Magos06/01/2012

I have mentioned one Chirotus Infinitum from time to time. He and I stopped talking over a year ago—over what is beside the point—but we mostly left one another alone. Recently a series of miscommunications culminated in a brief scare that I might find myself in a no-holds-barred fight with a serious, competent magician … and not just any magician, but one with whom I had worked extensively in the past. A flurry of e-mails ensued, a couple mutual friends were contacted, and it all turned out to be a(somewhat amusing, in retrospect) misunderstanding. We made a formal peace-pact, reaffirmed the bond and nature of our previously shared hospitality (he is a Roman reconstructionist, I a sort of neo-Hellenic type … the sacred binding power of hospitality is a Very Big Deal to both of us) and the whole thing would only be interesting to our mutual friends except for one point: it got me to thinking on something that I haven’t put serious thought to since before I could drink legally.

If I were going to go to war, what would I do?

Since then, the subject seems to keep coming up. I found an essay on Classical magic which focused exclusively on curse tablets and poppets (the essay called them “voodoo dolls”, proving that the area of study requires attention from actual practitioners). A friend of a friend was talking about the curses and “blessings” her Rom ancestors liked to make use of. A very close friend, in seeking justice for an in-law, almost-but-didn’t-quite-ask Aradia and I to curse the ever-loving shit out of the perpetrator (We didn’t do it: sorry, you have to ask me in clear language for that sort of thing. I can’t just take it upon myself. And you have to help.) I got a coworker fired by reporting his sexual harassment of another employee to management, and there was a small risk that he might swing on me if he found out—at which point, as I told someone only half-jokingly, I would “call the police and curse his name.”

A lot of people I know have been fucked over in the last few years, one way or another. And having the knowledge to not just try to raise them up out of the muck, but to smite their oppressors, assailants, and tormentors down … is awfully tempting.

This is knowledge which I have actively avoided for a long time. I know myself: I’m a fucking Scorpio. Power tempts me. I would only use it for Justice … right? Except when I used it for Awesome. And I know better what constitutes “Justice” and “Awesome” better than anyone … right? Guys? Where are you going? What are those torches and pitchforks for? I’m not the monster here, I’m just doing what you would have if you had the …

Oh.

I know what a slippery slope is, and what it isn’t. Marriage equality is NOT a slippery slope to anything … except maybe actual civil rights for us queers. Me wielding the power of curses and bindings in the name of “justice” IS a slippery slope to me using that power in the name of my best interests, ethics be damned. Whether or not this is the Nature of Power is up for debate. But, at just over three decades of being me, there is no debate over the Nature of Me Wielding Power. I know what’s up. I know myself.

This knowledge is a sort of power which, if I ever wield it, I must do so only under the most clear-cut and singular circumstances. Because it tempts me too much to trust myself and my motives. I lust too hotly for revenge.