Journey Through The Obsidian Dream

A Hasty but Productive Esbat

Satyr Magos22/04/2011

Last Friday I looked down at my calendar and was surprised to see that the full moon was that coming Sunday. Given my recent track record, I wasn’t particularly surprised to be unaware of the moon’s phase – I was more shocked that I’d caught myself in time.

By Sunday, Aradia and I planned a dinner but no ritual and had gotten the house just barely clean enough to cook and host … but hadn’t quite planned the ritual. We ended up playing it by ear, which worked out fantastically.

After working together off and on for the last year and a half, we’ve found that our synergy is such that we do not use traditional quarter-calls. Instead, each of us takes a turn leading as we attune to each of the elements.

The Circle came together with a potency the likes of which I haven’t seen in some time. After years of performing such rituals, our space is … accustomed to it. Attuned. Generally, we conjure a Circle to the perimeter of the office/temple area then push it out to the edges of the household. That night it sprang up in two layers simultaneously: one around the temple, one at the edge of the property.

We had a bowl of water that we blessed, and which I used to consecrate a goddess-image I’ve been working with and which we (later) used to top off our latest batch of kobucha. We charged a jar of tomato juice that Aradia used as a basis for a round of get-well potion. Each of us took the opportunity to do a bit of candle-magic.

The chief purpose for the ritual was to provide a jump-start for our magical lives. Though such things are traditionally reserved for the Dark Moon, the centerpiece of our ritual was a journey to the Underworld. Specifically, we visited the Realm of Fire, using a meditative aide by Christopher Penczak from the Outer Temple book.

Finally, we concluded our rite with divination. My own spread, I have already shared. The others, of course, did their own.

In witchcraft

April Full Moon Reading

Satyr Magos22/04/2011

The full moon came as something of a surprise to me this month … again. But the good news is that I saw the mark on the calendar before it had passed, and everything sort of fell into place after that.

Pasiphae and Aidan joined Aradia and I on Sunday night. We played the whole thing by ear and it turned out wonderfully. Well, it all turned out wonderfully except for the reading I did. The tarot doesn’t often give me bad news. This month I had a lot of it.

Now, my annual reading promised me an Ace of Wands April and a Prince of Wands May (or perhaps an AW Aries and an PrW Taurus … next Samhain I’ll be more specific when I do that reading).

HOUSE	CARD	GENERAL	SPECIFIC
1st – Self, Viewpoint	XVIII the Moon	Unconscious forces, self-deception. Facing the conflict between internal forces	Fear of the threshold. Refusal to face something. Self-deception. Why, yes, I am pretty freaked out about this whole transition thing. Why do you ask?
2nd – Finances, Income	XVI the Tower	Swift, shocking, and dramatic change.	Radical change, but for better or worse? The Tower is almost always for worse. This worries me greatly.
3rd – Daily Experiences immediate influence	X the Wheel of Fortune	Rise or fall of fortune. Transition to new phase. Fate.	Transition via montage.
4th – Home family, land, roots	6 Cups	Childhood. Nostalgia. The Past.	Emo nostalgia whining. Perhaps Aradia and I will be dwelling overmuch on the end of things. Or perhaps I will simply be dwelling overmuch on the parallels between this situation and my previous departures from KC and St.L.
5th – Fun & Pleasure children, hobbies	Ace of Swords	Sense of power. Strength. Matters of intellect. Decisions.	School = fun? Decision making.
6th – Work illness, duty, routine	10 Cups	Joy, emotional fulfillment, harmony, prosperity.	Retirement? Conclusion of business deal? Graduation?
7th – Partnership	XXI Justice	Being judged. A fair outcome. Equilibrium, restoration of balance, strategy.	Fair agreements, balanced life.
8th – Taboo / Crisis sex, death, taxes, loans	5 Swords	Defeat. Kicking ass and taking names (but theirs or mine?). One-ups-manship. Embarrassment.	MOHELA screws me? I have to borrow more money from somewhere?
9th – Higher Perception	5 Pentacles	Illness, misery, poverty.	Disappointment,trouble.
10th – Recognition career, status, ambition	5 Cups	Decision regretted. Loss. Mourning.	This does not bode well.
11th – Friendships	Page of Pentacles	Education. Students.	I suspect this means someone from my classes will be important this month.
12th – Secret Hopes & Fears hopes, ambitions	Queen of Swords	A cold, calculating person.	Am I going to need to cut someone’s head off this month? Or is this about my need to make my school decisions as rationally as possible
+2 – Current / Outside Influences	Queen of Wands / XXI the World	Balance of life and work. Competence, energy, drive. // Natural conclusion, End of a journey.	Although phrased dramatically, this is no news. This appears to be very much about the end of my career at my junior college. My concern is that I’m missing something here.

THEMES

Me & You – 1st & 7th – Moon, Justice

In many instances, the major arcana are the clearest symbols. In their places, above, they are not incomprehensible – though “Justice” does confuse me a little as a relationship card – but as a progression … I must admit myself to be a little bit lost.

From Where to Where – 4th & 10th – 6 Cups, 5 Cups

This progression – or regression – appears straightforward. I am going to spend a lot of time this moon second-guessing myself, looking at the path I’ve taken and the choices I’ve made.

Fire – 1, 5, 9 – Moon, 10 Cups, 5 Pentacles

There are no fire cards in my fire trine. I have a watery major arcana, a water card, and an earth card. This is a fairly serious imbalance.

Banzhaf’s Keywords says that this trine speaks to temperament and self-development, from which perspective these cards are a particularly mixed bag. The facing of fears and delusions; emotional pinnacle and contentment; physical (or psychic?) illness. I really need to keep my head straight this month.

Earth – 2, 6, 10 – the Tower, Ace of Swords, 5 Cups

There are no earth cards in my earth trine. I have the Tower, a card that defies categorization, an air card, and a water card. My material situation looks … well, I don’t think the word “dire” is entirely out of line.

It’s no surprise that the Ace of Swords – ideas – will consume a great deal of my time. I am still taking classes, after all. The others, though …

Air – 3, 7, 11 – Wheel of Fortune, Justice, Page of Pentacles

Though Justice is an airy card, it is still of the major arcana, and the Wheel of Fortune defies categorization in the same way the Tower does.

Two major arcana cards in my air trine indicates that this is going to be a big issue. Fortunately all of these cards are fairly fortuitous. Things look good for my intellectual and artistic life.

Water – 4, 8, 12 – 6 Cups, 5 Swords, Queen of Swords

Only in my water trine do I have any cards of the associated element. Here, it is the 6 of Cups – childhood memories and nostalgia. The other two cards are air, demonstrating the primacy of my intellectual/rational life over my emotional needs and concerns.

Interestingly, this is the only trine without a major arcana card. Whatever troubles I may have here, they will likely be less significant than those related to the other three elements.

In art, hedonism, witchcraft

Beltane Mead

Satyr Magos15/04/2011

This morning I bottled last years Beltane mead, that it might have at least a little time to rest in the bottle before consumption. This is my first mead to make it a year (or nearly) from start to bottle, and also my first done explicitly as a religious and magical rite. It is, for the record, glorious. A simple honey mead (3 lb : 1 gal), but I can no longer recall the yeast I used. I think it was the Lavlin 1118, but I’m not certain. Of course I can’t bottle without tasting, and it is delicious. I have also used it to anoint a pair of idols that I am working with (slowly, cautiously … I’m still new to that).

Pasiphae, Aidan, Chirotus, and D were all there with Aradia and I at the creation. I don’t know how many of them will be making it back out for the consumption.

The label, which I drew myself, is hidden behind the fold to avoid problems those few who might be viewing this post from work. It’s an image of the horned god, folks, he’s generally NSFW.

In witchcraft

What I’ve Learned So Far From a Magical Relationship

Satyr Magos10/04/2011

In previous stages of my life, I was almost exclusively a solitary practitioner. I met with other witches and magicians, learned what I could from them, socialized where I could. I had my coffee house group, back in high school. There was the WPA (back before it became the Cauldron). I’ve attended public rituals of various kinds off and on, even tried to teach a few times. But mostly, it’s just been me, myself, and I.

In the last two years, I’ve done more groupwork than in all the previous fourteen years of magical practice combined. I’ve done public rituals that actually worked, joined a practice group that almost became a coven before it fell apart, tried to show a few things to a pack of young people at school. And all throughout it all, I have maintained a regular and powerful practice with my partner, Aradia.

Before all else, keeping a magical practice with your lover is every bit as powerful, transformative, and awe-inspiring as it’s supposed to be. It is more intimate than all but the very best sex, and the synchronicity it builds makes everything else better, more harmonious.

You see a lot written about that synchronicity. It’s mostly pretty fantastic and romanticized: empathic links bordering on mindreading, unity of will that precludes disagreements, mind-blowing mutual orgasms, prescient knowledge of where the other is and what they’re doing. If these extremes are possible, though, Aradia and I haven’t reached them, nor have any couple I know of.

What the myth leaves out is even more to the point. The empathic bond that can create a closed circuit of escalating glee can just as readily bring both partners spiraling downward in the middle of say, a panic attack, or at the end of a bad day. We’ve experienced both varieties. “Is this headache mine or yours?” is a conversation that Aradia and I have actually had. We get sympathetic foot and leg pains.

We’ve shared dreams a few times. The incident that exemplifies the oddities of our synchronicity was that once, when I was having a fried chicken craving that had been twice thwarted by nasty, dried failures, she dreamed of going on a fruitless quest for rich, juicy fried chicken. She also has more dreams that are completely, random, and nonsensical than she ever had before knowing me.

We appear frequently in one-another’s tarot spreads. When we have plans together for an evening, that usually shows up as well – a couple of weeks ago, for example, we both drew the Princess of Disks on a night we had already planned to see Pasiphae to do tarot readings for her.

None of these things have shown up in any sources that I’ve ever encountered. Which is interesting, because I don’t believe for a moment that our experience is isolated or unique. More research is required, I suppose.

In witchcraft

March Full Moon Reading

Satyr Magos09/04/2011

The full moon came while Aradia and I were on a mad, seven-day road trip to visit four of the schools to which I have applied. We were in Chicago, staying with old friends, and managed to take the time to do our monthly readings.

My annual reading promised me a 5 of Swords month in March, which I definitely felt – late papers, stress, exhaustion – and an Ace of Wands month for April, which I am definitely already experiencing – with nearly 4000 words written already on various school and personal projects, and a new short story draft completed.

Here is my reading for the moon which has almost passed:

HOUSE	CARD	GENERAL MEANING	SPECIFIC MEANING
1^st – Self, Viewpoint	6 Cups	reawakening of the spirits, emotional recovery, and well-being	enjoyment of work, finding one’s center, and being open to experiences
2^nd – Finances, Income	8 Disks	Cautious new beginning, moderation, and patience	waiting for an opportunity,
3^rd – Daily Experiences immediate influences	Knight of Swords	versatility, experience, emphasis on the rational mind,	moving directly toward one’s goal
4^th – Home-place family, land, roots	3 Cups	fulfillment, joy, well-being	fruitful relationship, time of joy
5^th – Fun / Pleasure children, hobbies,	IX the Hermit	contemplating what is essential, seclusion	stay home and do homework instead
6^th – Work illness, duty, routine	9 Cups	optimism, meaningful experiences, quiet happiness	enjoyment of work, advantageous conclusion of contract
7^th – Partnership associations, spouse	6 Disks	increase, material gain, welcome development	fruitful relationship, happiness in love
8^th – Taboo / Crisis sex, death, taxes, loans	8 Cups	weakness, broken hopes, resignation	I’m afraid of failure: duh
9^th – Higher Perception journey, movement	10 Wands	blocked development, problems with authority, “straight jacket”	mastering inner tensions through external effort
10^th – Recognition career, ambition, status	XIII Death	parting, natural end, renunciation	fulfilling an assignment, retirement
11^th – Friendships groups, social activities	VII the Chariot	mood of departure, thirst for adventure, assertive will	new relationship, animated impulse, decisive action
12^th – Secrets & Fears hopes, ambitions	10 Cups	fulfillment, culmination, success,	yes, I’m just as scared of victory as of defeat. duh
+2 – Current Position / / Outside Influences	Ace of Cups / 5 Cups	bliss, inner wealth, openness // dashed expectations, disappointement

In Uncategorized

Struggling for Practice

Satyr Magos09/04/2011

My actual ability to maintain a regular practice is better than my ability to maintain this blog … but not by much. Since staring the new semester, my life has been a mess of work, school, not-quite-enough sleep, and a few other troubles that I’ll actually get into in posts of their own.

I’ve pretty much lost track of the moons. I didn’t even do a Full Moon reading in February, and I haven’t ever gotten around to decoding the one I did in March. I haven’t checked back with my annual reading since January. I haven’t done a Dark Moon journey in longer than I care to contemplate, and Aradia and I didn’t get our Yule altar down until Ostara. I missed the last Dark Moon by a matter of days, even as I was slowly drafted this post.

Of course, there’s no chance that all of this is related to how stressed out I’ve been lately, is there? No, perish the thought!

Things are finally looking up. I did (finally) start my Imbolc mead with a little help from a late snowstorm and our Brid candles. I’m researching recipes for a similarly belated Ostara mead, but the internet is being less than helpful. I have done public Tarot readings on the last two First Fridays. I have gotten back to doing weekly and daily readings – three- and one-card respectively.

You can’t change the past. All I can do is strive to do better.

I’m getting ready to bottle my Beltane mead – I finally have artwork for the bottle. Sadly, it looks like Aradia and I will be celebrating that sabbat by ourselves – Pasiphae and Aidan are otherwise occupied, as are others we’ve worked with in the past. Which will make things interesting, as duo Beltane rituals run an above average risk of ending in pregnancy. Some creativity may be required.

We will be out at Gaea, though. So perhaps we will be able to join a public rite, or be invited to a smaller one.

In art

“Kneeling Satyr”

Satyr Magos04/04/2011

Lo, behold the satyr wild – fierce and bold and free –

from Dionysos’ revel he but stops to rest

and fall upon upon a bended knee,

‘neath twisting branches verdigris,

and offer thanks for life by Bacchus blessed.

Crowned he is by curling locks and grapen vine,

a face cursed by beauty, yet lit by wicked grin:

for his sculpted chest is brazen, bare, and fine,

and ‘twixt lean hips kitled in goat-skin,

hangs Priapos’ boon, not quite hidden.

One clawed hand he rests on muscled thigh,

his breath restored, and his ardor keen.

The other paw he lifts toward gods and sky –

his eyes fierce-bright with silver sheen –

and that grin, first wicked, leers now obscene.

A poem from my Creative Writing class. Prior to this class, I had not written poetry since high school, and it is doubtful that I will ever do so again unless similarly forced. Still, I’m not displeased with this piece: an ode to a statue, perhaps once a lamp, almost certainly an idol. The photograph is mine, taken in the Nelson-Atkins museum of Kansas City, MO.

Those who know me in the real world, of course, have already seen this poem posted elsewhere, but not the picture.

In scholarship

Academic Rites of Passage

Satyr Magos14/02/2011

In this last week I have undergone two rites of passage binding me closer to the world of formal academia.

Monday, I accepted the invitation – originally received last May, but overlooked because I didn’t really understand what the organization was, or what opportunities it would have afforded me – to join the Phi Theta Kappa honor society. Membership in the society will open a number of doors for me (though not quite so many as it would have had I accepted the invitation immediately, and with it a great deal of scholarship money I didn’t know existed), ranging from letters of recommendation, to possible transfer scholarships, and perhaps even to consideration for the larger honor society upon which it was patterned, Phi Beta Kappa. If nothing else, it is a welcome recognition of my academic accomplishments so far, and confers upon me the right to fancy regalia at my graduation ceremony in May.

Saturday, I endured the trial of the ACT in the hopes of securing admission to such lofty schools as the University of Chicago or Reed College, which require such rituals even of transfer juniors. This particular trial (and/or its competitor, the SAT) is actually one of the things that I was elated to avoid when I first decided against college. Though I did not study as hard for this test as perhaps I should have, but I believe that I did well. If nothing else, I am certain that I did at least as well on the real thing as I did on the practice test, on which I received a score of 29.

The college testing experience is, I believe, nearly universal in the United States. I remember clearly being pressured and herded toward the PSATs and the SAT in high school. Although Wikipedia assures me that the ACT is more popular in the midwest, it’s not the one I remember being “encouraged” to take. That element of shared experience, combined with the fiscal sacrifice, the rigid structure, and the intellectual ordeal, makes the ACT an excellent example, in my opinion, of a non-magical rite of passage.

The Phi Theta Kappa membership (particularly if I have the opportunity to be formally inducted) is a slightly different rite of passage. I was selected by a mysterious organization based on my academic performance, I made a sacrifice (again, money), and will be rewarded with certain signs that will set me apart from the larger student body and with access to information available only to initiates.

Interestingly, the Greek letters Phi Theta Kappa stand in this case, not for a motto, but for virtues – wisdom, aspiration and purity – and the group associates itself with Athena. Fortunately, She was already on my list of deities for whom I required idols.

In witchcraft

A Dark Time of the Year

Satyr Magos07/02/2011

According to the Wheel of the Year, Imbolc is the time when we can begin looking forward of spring. We have passed the depth of the darkness with Yule, and entered the Waxing Year. Fires are lit, beer is brewed, and Brigit – however you choose to spell Her Name – is invoked for her blessings of warmth, health, fertility, and artifice.

In Kansas City, however, early February is the coldest, darkest part of the year. This year more so than usual, with an straight-from-the-ice-of-Hel blizzard starting the evening of Monday 1 February and lasting through Wednesday 3 February. The roads had barely even been cleared after the first round of foot-deep snow. Aradia had to put off a business trip for two days, waiting for them to clear the I-70 corridor; I lost another two and a half days of classes.

Somehow, Aradia and I just weren’t feeling that Imbolc Fire. We sat around the house watching bad TV and trying not to think about how cold it was outside. We still haven’t changed over our altar from Yule, and I haven’t yet started the Imbolc batch of mead.

For the last week I’ve been living on leftovers and takeout. The house gets dirtier. My mind gets more and more scattered. I didn’t really sleep last night. I should be doing more homework, using the snow days to ahead in my classes; working harder on my admission essays, due the first of March; and studying for my ACT, which is this coming Saturday. I’m keeping up with my classes, and working again, and making progress on the essays … but the ACT scares me so bad that it hurts – an almost physical pain – to think about it. It’s hard to say which of these things is “cause” and which are “effect”.

Aradia comes back from St.Louis tomorrow, and I need to get the house clean enough for us to change out the altar and celebrate Imbolc. Hell, I need to get the house clean enough that I don’t feel like a fucking bum. I need to get my head screwed on straight so I can sleep and get done what I need to get done. The ritual will make me feel better. Having another gallon of mead bubbling away under the altar will make me feel better. Having my shit together will make me feel better, and feeling better will make it easier to keep my shit together.

This semester could easily define me for the rest of my life. I need to not fuck it up.

In art, witchcraft

Yule Altar 2010

Satyr Magos18/12/2010

Aradia and I finally got around to setting up the Yule altar. Last year, we focused a lot on the sun and the rebirth. With the full moon coinciding this year, we decided to do a lot more balance.

The centerpiece, which you can’t quite see in the photo, is a mask I made last year for the Summer and Winter solstices: black on one side and yellow on the other, with a solar disk on the brow and golden horns at the corners. The seemingly out-of-place jug under the tree is honey destined for the Yule mead.