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In art, witchcraft

From the Sorcerer’s Workbench: Consecrated Jupiter Talismans

Author Satyr MagosPosted on

{This post is condensed from several posts originally shared only with my Patreon supporters. To get first dibs on elected talismans like these, or even just to read about them first, please support me at the $1 Seeker level or above.}

Hail to the King, my friends.

Specifically, hail to Jupiter in Pisces. The Greater Benefic in his domicile, gracing the ascendant.

There were three such elections in February, as identifited by Nina Grypon (I buy her monthly elections newsletter from her website, and you should too.) I caught the first two, and will talk about that in detail in a later post, but I did not manage to catch the third. Somehow the day before got away from me and I did not get the wax positives invested and into the kiln in time. I’m a little frustrated with myself, but in the end it’s probably for the best. I was already tired from the work I had done so far, and while I did end up claiming two of the talismans for myself, I had not taken any time to petition Jupiter directly. And, as a newly independent artist, I definitely think that time was well spent.

It’s been just over a month since the last election and my own material results are starting to come in. I’ve seen a 30% follower growth in some of my social media and what feels like much greater engagement (I don’t pay for tracking, so I can’t give a number). This month’s sales have definitely gone up over last month’s, and I’ve even had someone reach out about teaching services that I don’t currently offer. I am also continuing to experience the secondary effects of big magic – erratic sleep and vivid dreams and as much high weirdness as is possible given that I am respecting the pandemic and staying home.

All the talismans are made with my signature Picatrix Image of Jupiter talisman (which is getting a post all its own in the next weeks), based on the following passage: “The image of Jupiter, according to the opinion of Picatrix, is the shape of a man with a leonine face and the feet of a bird; beneath his feet he is holding a dragon that has seven heads, and in his right hand he holds a dart as if he wished to throw it at the head of the dragon.” Picatrix Book II, Paragraph 16 (Attrell and Porecca, 2019)

I chose to make the talismans in shibuichi (a 3:1 copper:silver art metal alloy, whose name comes from Japanese (literally “one in four”) under the guidance of my familiar spirits, knowing that silver is attributed to Jupiter by Agrippa, and set Jovial stones in the curl of the serpent’s tail.

All the talismans were conjured using alternating invocations of the Orphic Hymn to Zeus (Athanasakis translation) and the Picatrix Inovacation of Jupiter (Greer and Warnock, as presented in a election pamphlet shared in 2012). The spirits were invoked to provide “unblemished health, … divine peace and riches, [and] glory without blame.” and to “grant us wisdom, prosperity, success, help us be happy, healthy, and safe.” Additionally, each offered a specialty as I was cleaning and polishing it.

Each talisman has been packed with a small quantity of the incense used it its consecration.

Patreon supporters got first dibs. I listed them publicly on Etsy on Thursday 3 March. I meant to talk about them here sooner, but I am still getting back into the habit of blogging, and I apologize for that. So far only one has been claimed (not counting the two I kept for myself). As the talismans are claimed, I will continue to mark them off.

So, then, I have the two cohorts of spirits/talismans:

First Cohort

The first batch of talismans was cast on the 2ndof February with Jupiter just past the ascendant. The talismans were cast and consecrated with the sapphires in place. The sapphires are rough Yogo sapphires mined in Montana.

The talismans were then cleaned, polished, and interviewed for names and sigils – which may not be the names and sigils they wish their proper owner to use, but provide a point of contact – during subsequent Jupiter hours throughout the following week.

I am selling each of these for $430, including shipping.

The first talisman is a pendant, and he promises, “I bring that which you desire.” He one feels like a wild ride, definitely spicier than I’m in the mood for, but definitely exactly what someone needs.

The next talisman is a pendant, and they promise, “I teach happiness.” This talisman had a super chill vibe.

The next talisman spirit is a coin, and they promise, “I teach peace and bring prosperity.”

The final talisman is a pendant, and they promise, “I teach discernment.” I think this one will be a very good friend to someone.

Second Cohort

The second batch of talismans were cast on the 7thof February. This election I timed more perfectly, and I threw the cast as Jupiter was precisely conjoined to the ascendant. These talismans were set with emeralds from one of my mundane jewelry suppliers – A grade, cloudy but beautiful green, visually stunning in the shibuichi setting.

The talismans were cleaned and polished, and the stones set, then interviewed for names and sigils in subsequent hours of Jupiter throughout the week.

I am selling each of these for $598, including shipping.

This talisman spirit a pendant, and she promises, “I will keep you happy, healthy, and safe.”

The next talisman spirit is meant to be strung on prayer beads like a rosary. She promises, “I bring riches and teach mysteries.” I suspect she will need to be pampered and courted, but that the effort will be worth your while.

The final talisman spirit is a pendant, and he promises, “I bring victory and justice.” This one spicy.

Attunement.

Upon receipt of your consecrated talisman, you will need to perform an attunement ritual. Lacking guidance from the spirit, themselves, or your own traditions and familiars, I recommend the following:

Mix up a batch of Jupiterian incense in advance. Secure a brazier and charcoal. Wait until the next available day and hour of Jupiter (dawn is ideal, but not necessary) before opening the envelope with your talisman.

In the hour before you perform your ritual, set up your ritual space as needed. Prepare an appropriate libation for your tradition, I use coffee and/or wine.

At the appointed time, cleanse and consecrate your space in accordance with your tradition. Open the envelope (careful not to make a mess with the included incense) and set the talisman on your altar. Burn the included incense on your charcoal brazer. As you do so, introduce yourself to the talisman and spirit. Tell it what you want it to accomplish for you. Ask it if it has a different name and sigil that it would like you to invoke it by. Negotiate as necessary. Repeat daily or weekly as needed until you and the spirit have come to an agreement.

My first several talismans took months to a year to really settle into my life. The more recent ones have started talking to me in days. Be prepared for swift results, but do not expect them.

In art, witchcraft

From the Sorcerer’s Workbench: Picatrix Image of Venus

Author Satyr MagosPosted on

“The image of Venus according to the opinion of Picatrix is the shape of a woman with a human body but with the head of a bird and the feet of an eagle, holding an apple in her right hand and a wooden comb similar to a tablet in her left, which has these figures written upon in [the Greek letters OLOIOL]. Whoever carries this image will be well received and esteemed by all.”

Picatrix Bk 2, Chapter 10, Paragraph 55, translated by Attrell and Porecca

I drew my first Image of Venus while I was in college, as I was beginning to catch my stride with what I was calling the Ceremonial Experiment (with no idea, then, the long-term effects it would have on my magical practice). I later remade the image as a photograph, with a hand-made mask and a human model. I returned to the Image of Venus, again, when I changed jewelry jobs after college and found myself in the rare position of having space and encouragement to learn and grow as a jeweler. If it was not literally the first piece that I prototyped through what would become my signature process (I think that it was), it was in the very first batch. And, thus, it was one of the handful of designs that launched the Sorcerer’s Workbench.

The Image of Venus was not the only Picatrix image I attempted at that time, but it was the only one I finished. It played to my strengths as an illustrator: a standing figure with animal features and simple iconography. When I went to take that first illustration – which, tragically, seems to have vanished into the void – it was relatively easy to take my line art and redraw it to fit the needs of the prototyping process I learned at the (then new) day job.

two-tone art and prototype

In a very real sense, the Image of Venus Picatrix talisman was the prototype for entire line of Piecatrix talismans. It was early experiments with the Image of Venus that taught me how much power could come from the image alone, without any enchantment, and how the inclusion of the Agrippan seals and characters amplified that raw power, and helped tune out any trouble from a mediocre election, or an unelected enchantment ritual. The talisman that I, myself, carry to this day has only the image, without the characters and seal, and was consecrated/enchanted post-facto after having been carried for some months. The spirit that now dwells in that talisman is one of my most trusted familiars.

It is, in large part, for the benefit of this talisman that have I practiced and perfected my shibuichi process. Shibuichi is a Japanese art metal alloy of copper and silver at a 3:1 ratio (the name literally translates as one in four) that can look like rose gold when highly polished, darkens to a lovely coppery rusty red over time, and takes a stunning matte black patina. It is also available in .925 sterling silver, yellow brass, or red bronze.

As with most of my talismans, I offer the Image of Venus as a coin, a pendant, or a “rosary” charm with three rings so that it can be easily strung on prayer beads. If you are particularly concerned about the talisman taking its “final form” during the election (something I have observed spirits require from some sorcerers but not others for reasons known only to the spirits, themselves), I recommend stringing the rosary or pendant variants on prayer beads, which you could complete during the electional window.

shibuichi image of venus talisman strung on copper and lapis prayer beads with tassel

Each piece is hand-made to order in my home studio, with unique variations and defects as a result of the fabrication and casting process.

These talismans are NOT consecrated. That is your responsibility. Many customers have reported intense vibes from the power of the image, seal, and characters, but you still need to put in your part of the work, whatever that looks like in your tradition.

Astrological timing and consecration is available with a minimum of 30 days advance notice at an additional charge depending on the difficulty of the election you provide me with.

Custom variations – such as with stones, or alterations to the image – are available at my usual custom jewelry rates.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/817915354/picatrix-image-of-venus-two-sided

In art, scholarship

From the Sorcerer’s Workbench: The Attic Gorgon

Author Satyr MagosPosted on

The Attic Gorgon is one of the handful of designs that launched the Sorcerer’s Workbench, and was not only my first design to sell, but my first piece to sell again: first, directly off my body at Paganicon 2019, and then to someone I had met at that event a month or two later. It remains one of my best sellers to this day, and it is one of my favorite designs.

That last is no surprise. I have long been fascinated by the image of Medusa and the gorgons. Looking back, I can’t quite remember an inciting incident, so to speak – my first encounter was almost certainly Wrath of the Titans (1981), but what I remember most from that movie is actually the owl. My own earliest art that I can find on the subject was from around 2008, but by that time I clearly already had a fully internalized image. That image, of course, was most deeply influenced by Renaissance and modern images: a beautiful woman, her face surrounded by coiling serpents, draped in clinging gauze. A lot has changed since those early days, including my Bachelor’s degree in Classical Studies, and while I do still want to do a design based on that more modern image, I knew from the jump that I wanted my first Gorgon talisman to be in the Classical style.

The traditional name for the design is “Gorgoneion” which, to the best of my ability to discern, renders approximately as “Gorgon-image” or “Gorgon-thing”. It is apotropaic: meant to protect by frightening away evil spirits. It was a popular, even ubiquitous, design in the Hellenic world of Classical Greece, seen on temples and shields and pottery and jewelry and … well, you get the idea. When I went to make my own, I looked to a variety of ancient sources, ultimately settling on a particular piece of pottery.  

But with that image in place, we have to ask the question – where does that image come from?

No Greek myth has a single point of origin. Every story is a palimpsest: a mess of layer upon layer upon layer, each written over the other, which has been imperfectly removed from the vellum below. So we, as modern witches, sorcerers, neo-Hellenics, and mythographers, sift through those layers as best we can, picking and choosing the versions that bring us the most meaning.

Medusa and the Gorgons are no exception. When I look at the image of the Gorgoneion, fanged and bearded and serpent-tressed, I do not see the victim Ovid salivated over: raped by Neptune, cursed and transfigured by Minerva, murdered by Perseus. I see the youngest of three monstrous sisters, the lone mortal, daughters of either the sea monsters Keto and Phorkys, or of Keto and the elder Gorgon, Aix who was killed that Zeus might wear their hide as his aegis.

The very title “gorgon” means simply “terrible” or “fierce”. The three Gorgon sisters were Medusa, Sthenno, and Euryale, and our oldest written account of them comes from Hesiod’s Theogony 270 ff (trans. Evelyn-White) (Greek epic C8th or C7th B.C.) : “And to Phorkys (Phorcys) Keto (Ceto) bore … the Gorgones (Gorgons) who, beyond the famous stream of Okeanos (Oceanus), live in the utmost place toward night, by the singing Hesperides : they are Sthenno, Euryale, and Medousa (Medusa), whose fate is a sad one, for she was mortal, but the other two immortal and ageless both alike.”

Homer, a littler earlier than Hesiod, mentions a single “Gorgo” whose head and/or hide are used for the aegis of Zeus and Athena. Hyginus, a 2ndC CE author, reconciles these stories by naming that elder Gorgo Aix and naming them parent of the gorgon sisters. This last is my personal favorite, despite the late date (longtime readers and close friends know how strongly I favor older versions of everything, particularly predating the questionable urge to justify the behavior of gods as good).

The image itself springs onto the just a little before, emerging in its persistent form at the beginning of the 8th Century BCE. Some scholars trace it back to Knossos. A few – sadly, mostly discredited – attempt to trace it back much further, to the mythical neolithic goddess cults. But the image was more detailed, more complex than those earliest stories, and I think that the Gorgoneion is a fair exemplar of the movement from image to ritual to myth.

I will never be fully comfortable with the stories that surround the image of the Gorgoneion. That terrible defensive power, stollen and weaponized by the “civilizing” influence of father gods and heroic men. Ovid’s rape-and-transformation fantasy is only the most vile and explicit expression of that theme. Looking at the image, whether Attic or Renaissance, I see the same terrible beauty and power that drove Second Wave Feminists to invent their own mythologies, empowering Medusa and the gorgons as slandered goddesses, or reframing Athena’s curse as a defense against further injury.

But I return, again and again, to that face: a goddess whose image the gods themselves use to turn away evil. A goddess born of the monsters of the elder world. A goddess whose sisters live on.

I wear my own Gorgoneiai every day. I have one that lives on my keychain. I have another that I hang from the front of my face masks in this age of plague and fools.

Between different metals and fixtures, there are more than a dozen unique variations, but there are two basic designs: one sided, with a textured back; and two sided, with the names Medusa, Sthenno, and Euryale on the back.

Attic Gorgon Sterling Silver Pendant Protection Talisman | Etsy

Attic Gorgon Two-sided Protection Talisman | Etsy

In art, scholarship

Announcing the Sorcerous Arts Podcast

Author Satyr MagosPosted on

The Kansas City Sorcerous Arts Collective came together in 2018 to teach hands-on classes and run public rituals. Our public debut was in February of 2019, when we performed our Purification of the Sacred Grove ritual with the Kansas City Witches Meet-Up. We performed the ritual again at Paganicon 2019, taught several workshops also hosted by the KCWMU, and were winding up for our second major public ritual at Paganicon 2020 when the covid-19 pandemic brought all 2020 events to a screeching halt. It took us a while to decide what, if anything, we were going to do with in-person events off the table.

In June, we accepted an invitation to do an online workshop presentation for the Kansas City Witches Meetup Main Event in July. We were so pleased with how that went that we decided that we would, after all, do online events. Moreover, we’d had so much fun that we were going to do a podcast. We began meeting up online (almost) every Sunday in August, and have now recorded an acceptable backlog of episodes, ranging from a return to our July topic of magic in this time of Covid to why the Law of Attraction is bad magic and worse theology.

The Sorcerous Arts Podcast will be a series of informal, kitchen-table discussions on magic as a living practice: theory, experiments, and our actual results (or lack thereof). We’ll talk history, theology, ethics, experience, memes, community … anything that seems relevant at the time. The first episode will drop this Saturday, October 31st, 2020. It will be available through our RSS feed and Spotify, immediately, and hopefully soon through iTunes (Apple makes things hard because they can) and Stitcher and all the other major distributors. (We do our best, but none of us are actually IT people, coders, or competent at social media.)

I hope you’ll join us, and enjoy. See you Saturday.

In art, scholarship, witchcraft

Picatrix Image of the Moon

Author Satyr MagosPosted on

This week, after literally years of waffling between planets and images to pursue next, I have finally produced another talismanic image from the Picatrix, following up on the Image of Venus that I produced so many years ago.

“The image of the moon according to the opinion of Picatrix is the form of a man who has the head of a bird, and he holds a stick above him, and he has a tree before him.”

— Picatrix Bk.II Ch.10, p.105, as translated by Greer and Warnock.

As with my Venus talisman, I turned to the grand planetary seal and the Agrippan characters for the reverse.

Although I could probably rationalize it in a variety of ways – a decision to pursue the rest of the talismans in Chaldean order, perhaps, or a fictitious upcoming election (this year sucks, there are no elections – my decision to make an Image of the Moon was ultimately based on the easy availability of the most appropriate metal: silver. By that same logic I should probably do a Solar image next, for all that probably no one will be able to afford the ten pennyweights of 14k gold.

The image I selected was not my absolute favorite. That honor goes to an image described on the preceding page: “… a woman with a beautiful face, with a dragon about your waist, having horns on her head with two snakes encircling them, and with two more snakes entwined around each of her arms, and a dragon above her head and another dragon under her feet, and both these dragons have seven heads.” which is somewhat beyond my current ability to produce a mold positive. But I think that a second bird-headed figure makes a fine follow-up to my Venus talisman, and I know that I need to enjoy the few relatively simple images presented in the Picatrix.

I have already ordered the mold positive of this Image, and will hopefully be able to present the first silver prototype in early August. It will probably end up being priced identically to the Venus — $116 in my Etsy store, assuming that the price of silver does not continue to rise, and will be available in brass and bronze for those who are less concerned with material than image.

In art, scholarship, witchcraft

Picatrix Images: The First Face of Aries

Author Satyr MagosPosted on
Picatrix Images: The First Face of Aries

Winding up for my last stellar sorcery experiment, I had a few options available to me. (Spoiler: I chose, “all of the above”.) One of them was to empower talismans bearing the image of the first face of Ares. In the words of the Picatrix:

The first face of Aries is Mars, and there rises in it according to the opinion of the great sages in this science, the image of a black man, with a large and restless body, having red eyes and with an axe in his hand, girded in white cloth, and there is great value in this face. This is a face of strength, high rank and wealth without shame. This is the form.

Picatrix Book II Chapter 11 Paragraph 5, trans. Michael Greer & Christopher Warnock

I crafted the image in time for my own use, but not in time to share with the rest of the world in time to catch that first face this year. My apologies to all. I do, of course, share it in the spirit of camaraderie, for personal magical use only. If you do use the image, please share your results with me for the sake of Science.

In art, witchcraft

Occult Art: DIY Grimoire

Author Satyr MagosPosted on

I may or may not have mentioned here that I changed jobs a few years ago, upgrading from the one-hour jewelry repair joint in the mall to my city’s premiere occult store. So, yeah. That happened. It’s been fucking fantastic, except for the temptations.

For two and a half years, I managed to walk by these every day and keep my hands to myself. Early in December I finally caved.

Jeweler’s Bench For Scale

This is not the first hilariously expensive journal I’ve bought for myself. I swore that this time I would not let it languish. This time I had a plan. Inspired by some occult-adjacent artwork, I set out to make a magical book that would work as well in a circle as it would in a photoshoot.

I actually started almost immediately, transcribing the Stele of Jeu onto some of the first pages of the book.

The Stele of Jeu the Hieroglyphist

I can already report that the Stele of Jeu produces even stronger results this way than using my old “book of shadows”, comprised of computer-printed pages in a three-ring binder. (Which, to be clear, worked super well, both in private and in public. But it wasn’t #aesthetic enough for me at this stage in my life.)

Yesterday I spent a few hours playing with magic circles and orphic hymns.

For Conjuring Spirits of the Moon
For Conjuring Spirits of Venus

The hardest parts so far have been: A) recognizing that it is not going to end up being perfectly ordered; and, B) carpel tunnel makes hand-writing the text really, really hard (harder than the drawing, to my surprise). The first did not come as a surprise. My obsession with well-ordered books is part of how I resisted buying such a thing in the first place; convincing myself that the aesthetic was worth it was the first step in deciding to buy it. The second, though I should have known better, was very much a surprise.

Careful observers will note that, while the Stele of Jeu is at the very beginning, the conjuration circles are in the middle. No, I haven’t filled the space in between. I put the circles there because I intend to balance candles and crystals on the open pages, and I figure that will go better if it lies relatively flat.

For anyone who is curious, yes, those are the Athanassakis translations. The particular Triangle of Art is idiosyncratic, shown to me by the spirits of Saturn during my first run of Seven Spheres in Seven Days (which apparently I need to write a new post about, because the artwork on the first one did not survive migration to the new web host).

Future plans for the tome include adding the original Greek to the two Orphic hymns above, the healing prayer to St. Raphael that my crew and I have used to good effect on several occasions, and the most outrageous occult art illuminations that I can free hand under the influence of drugs and/or magic.

This level of drama is, of course, not necessary for the practice of magic. Not even the magic I intend to use it for. But I fucking love the drama: how else would so much ceremonialism made its way into my witchcraft? So I make fine jewelry talismans for myself, my friends, and for profit. I make art exploring occult and magical themes and images. And I make magical tools that double as props for occult themed photoshoots.

And I’m here to say: if you, too, are an artist and occultist, you should, too.

Even if you Keep Silent, and no one but you is going to see it.

In art, witchcraft

Maeteria Magica: Talismanic Images

Author Satyr MagosPosted on

I have received a number of messages asking if my talismans are consecrated or made according to astrological timing. Overwhelmingly, they are not. I am not an astrologer, nor do I have the resources at this time to keep one on staff. There are advantages to this: firstly, astrologically timed and consecrated jewelry costs hundreds of dollars more than what I am charging; secondly, it leaves the owner of the talisman free to put the images to whatever purpose they want, with no interference on my part.

My talismans draw their power from the materials and images from which they are made, and from the consecration which is your responsibility to provide.

The Power of Maeteria

You can make a talisman out of literally anything. I have made phenomenally powerful talismans out of printed note cards, herbs, glue, and wax. Most of the talismans available on the internet are made of stainless steel, pewter, or pot metal. These are good enough for huge swaths of the community. They are certainly more affordable. I am offering something else.

I am offering fine talismanic jewelry made from pure copper, sterling silver, and 14kt yellow gold. As the shop grows, I will also be offering talismans with precious and semi-precious stones; ancient coins, arrowheads, and glass; and occasionally high-art found-object materials. Precious metals and stones take and hold magical energy better than anything; they make the best homes for the spirits you call and awaken. They are also — and this is arguably most important — really, really cool.

The Power of Images

The majority of my talismanic jewelry draws its power from either the images or the materials employed.

My Apotropaioi line — the Attic Gorgon, Humbaba, the Eye — are ancient protective symbols with no astrological associations or requirements that I am aware of. While they could certainly benefit from electional magic, they do not require it. The images themselves are tied to deep currents going back millenia, and need only be awakened and attuned to the owner.

Now, many of the traditional talismanic images do have astrological associations. While these pieces would benefit immensely from being crafted and/or consecrated in accordance with evectional timing, the images themselves have a powerful current of their own, and I do my best to tie the talismans to that current when I make them. Experimentation has proved to my satisfaction that while these talismans are not as powerful as those made in accordance with electional astrology, they are more powerful than those made of inferior material and without the current of the traditional image. They also grow more powerful over time through use and (re)consecration as opportunities arise.

Regarding Consecration

Because I am not crafting my talismans in accordance with electional astrology, and because I do not know most of my customers personally, it is my policy to do only a minimal consecration. I attune each piece to the currents associated with the images and materials from which it is made, making each piece more vessel than spirit. It is then up to the owner of the talisman to consecrate their piece in accordance with their own traditions of timing and rite.

I am a professional witch. I can perform the consecration for you. That service starts at an additional $50.

Electional Timing

I have every respect for the traditions of electional talisman consecration, and have used them to fantastic effect on a number of occasions. If and when I am made aware of an astrological election in sufficient time to use it to empower talismans, I will absolutely do so. Those limited-run pieces will be labeled and priced accordingly. If you know of such an election and would like me to help you take advantage of it, please give me at least two weeks notice in order to properly design the images, develop prototypes, and/or arrange for assistance with the casting and/or consecration. This service starts at and additional $100.

In art, witchcraft

Grand Opening: the Sorcerer’s Workbench!

Author Satyr MagosPosted on

After more than a year of talking about it, and jokingly referring to my personal projects as having come “from the Sorcerer’s Workbench”, I soft-launched an etsy shop at the end of march. By the end of May, very much to my surprise, I had over $200 in sales. Clearly there is an interest in mid-range fine talismanic jewelry, and I am delighted to fill that niche.

Welcome, now, to the grand opening of the Sorcerer’s Workbench! I have a dozen designs already available for sale.

Some designs are based on traditional grimoires such as Agrippa, the Picatrix, and the Lesser Key of Solomon.

Others are inspired by modern grimoires such as the Hekataeon.

Still others are riffs on tradiditonal/folk/mythic images, or inspired by my own spirit contacts.

I also do custom work, designing images based on your needs and inspirations, and incorporating whatever gemstones and sigils you desire.

So, please: check out my shop, and hit me up if you have any questions or commissions!

In art, hedonism, scholarship

Pride and Paganism 1/2: Dance for the Dead

Author Satyr MagosPosted on

It’s Pride Season, and that always puts me in a contemplative mood.

I guess I should start by saying that I was a late bloomer. I didn’t grok that I was bisexual until I was about 21 years old. In my defense, sex education and mainstream culture in the 1990s had left me with the impression that bisexuality was something that only existed in women (and let’s not even get started on all the transphobia that my genderqueer ass is still struggling to sort out). I didn’t go to my first Pride Parade 2007, after I moved to St. Louis, in part to come out of the closet. I didn’t have much experience with the community. I was still pretty fresh out of the closet, still pretty ignorant of most politics. 

It was a lot spectacle.  I took hundreds of pictures with my first digital camera, a ViviCam3705.  It meant a lot to me to go with the folks of BASL, to see and be seen.  I bought my first pride jewelry.  I had my first “what do you mean you want to have an actual conversation before I suck your dick” encounter with a gay man.  It was wild.

Fast forward a decade and change.  I haven’t been to a Pride festival or parade in years.  There are a lot of reasons for this.  Part of it is that I’ve always worked weekends — even in shops where not every jeweler worked Saturday and/or Sunday, I’ve found myself in the position of Weekend Jeweler.  Part of it is poverty — in Kansas City, unlike St. Louis, Pride is a ticketed event, and the venue they chose previously was one whose policies made bringing your own food and beverages difficult.  Part of it is my growing sensitivity to heat — I had made plans to meet my friends at Pride after work, last year, but heat exhaustion defeated me.

Part of it, though, is that I don’t like the direction Pride has taken.  I’m a history-minded queer, you know.  I know that the modern liberation movement began with a riot sparked by police brutality.  I know that many of the first Pride festivals were Gay-Ins — massive displays of public queer affection meant to confront, shock, outrage.  It wasn’t that long ago that half the states in the country passed constitutional amendments in “Defense of Marriage“.  You can still be fired or murdered anywhere and everywhere in the country for being too visibly queer (particularly if you’re a woman of color).

So it bothers me that Pride events have been taken over by corporations that profit off queer trauma survivors’ and queer youth’s abuse of alcohol (without doing anything for the movement besides some PR stunts and HR handwringing).  It bothers me that people are advocating for larger police presences at Pride festivals and parades.  It bothers me that, in most parts of the country, Gay Liberation (a phrase that, when it was coined, was every bit as radical and frightening as queer anything) has become LGb(t) Assimilation.

And yet … cops whinging to be included in Pride parades is an improvement over clockwork raids of gay bars.  Corporate sponsorship / takeover of Pride festivals is better than every single queer knowing that his, her, or their job was at stake if anyone, ever, found out.  Assimilationism is better than countless lives swallowed by sham marriages.  But … those aren’t the only options, are they?

I oppose the institutions of marriage and military service.  And,  yet, I demanded an end to Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell because, so long as the institution of the military exists, it’s better that queers be allowed full participation.  I demanded Marriage Equality for the same reason.  Being able to imagine a better world does not mean we cannot or should not celebrate victories in this one.

Unlike marriage and the military, Pride is not an institution with roots in previous civilizations.  Pride is a late 20th Century bid for revolution.  The Gay Liberation Front, formed mid-riot, was as opposed to the Vietnam War and to poverty as it was to the oppression of queer people.  Thus, marriage be damned, Pride’s assimilation by mainstream capitalist and imperial forces is a betrayal of its own roots — a clear case of winning a few battles while ultimately losing the war.

I don’t have any answers here.  No thesis.  Just hard questions about goals, tactics, strategy.

Remember that the Nazis burned the library of Magnus Hirsfeld’s Institue for the Science of Sexuality, setting back sexual science and queer liberation by at least a hundred years.  Remember that in mid-19th century United States, the police systematically raided gay bars for fun and profit.  Remember that Reagan (and most USians) ignored the AIDS crisis for more than a decade, figuring that the queers deserved to die.

I dream of a better world, but I don’t know how to get there.

I believe in Pride.  The procession.  The pageantry.  The mad Dionysiac revel of it.  The seeing and being seen, our warts and asses (sometimes literally) on display beside our vital life and joy.  But it needs less Bacchanalia and more Sporagmos; fewer drunken satyrs, more maenads tearing blasphemers limb from limb.

When you dance for Pride, you dance for the dead.  Don’t let our murderers and their sympathizers turn a profit off of you.  Don’t let their successors use you as a public relations prop.