Showing all posts in witchcraft

I have mentioned one Chirotus Infinitum from time to time.  He and I stopped talking over a year ago—over what is beside the point—but we mostly left one another alone.  Recently a series of miscommunications culminated in a brief scare that I might find myself in a no-holds-barred fight with a serious, competent magician … and not just any magician, but one with whom I had worked extensively in the past.  A flurry of e-mails ensued, a couple mutual friends were contacted, and it all turned out to be a(somewhat amusing, in retrospect) misunderstanding.  We made a formal peace-pact, reaffirmed the bond and nature of our previously shared hospitality (he is a Roman reconstructionist, I a sort of neo-Hellenic type … the sacred binding power of hospitality is a Very Big Deal to both of us) and the whole thing would only be interesting to our mutual friends except for one point: it got me to thinking on something that I haven’t put serious thought to since before I could drink legally.

If I were going to go to war, what would I do?

Since then, the subject seems to keep coming up.  I found an essay on Classical magic which focused exclusively on curse tablets and poppets (the essay called them “voodoo dolls”, proving that the area of study requires attention from actual practitioners).  A friend of a friend was talking about the curses and “blessings” her Rom ancestors liked to make use of.  A very close friend, in seeking justice for an in-law, almost-but-didn’t-quite-ask Aradia and I to curse the ever-loving shit out of the perpetrator (We didn’t do it: sorry, you have to ask me in clear language for that sort of thing.  I can’t just take it upon myself.  And you have to help.)  I got a coworker fired by reporting his sexual harassment of another employee to management, and there was a small risk that he might swing on me if he found out—at which point, as I told someone only half-jokingly, I would “call the police and curse his name.”

A lot of people I know have been fucked over in the last few years, one way or another.  And having the knowledge to not just try to raise them up out of the muck, but to smite their oppressors, assailants, and tormentors down … is awfully tempting.

This is knowledge which I have actively avoided for a long time.  I know myself: I’m a fucking Scorpio.  Power tempts me.  I would only use it for Justice … right?  Except when I used it for Awesome.  And I know better what constitutes “Justice” and “Awesome” better than anyone … right?  Guys?  Where are you going?  What are those torches and pitchforks for?  I’m not the monster here, I’m just doing what you would have if you had the …

Oh.

I know what a slippery slope is, and what it isn’t.  Marriage equality is NOT a slippery slope to anything … except maybe actual civil rights for us queers.  Me wielding the power of curses and bindings in the name of “justice” IS a slippery slope to me using that power in the name of my best interests, ethics be damned.  Whether or not this is the Nature of Power is up for debate.  But, at just over three decades of being me, there is no debate over the Nature of Me Wielding Power.  I know what’s up.  I know myself.

This knowledge is a sort of power which, if I ever wield it, I must do so only under the most clear-cut and singular circumstances.  Because it tempts me too much to trust myself and my motives.  I lust too hotly for revenge.

How could I forget how toxic the mall is?  The miasma of capitalist nihilism.  The poisonous classism of the upper-middle class against the working-class goons who sell them their gewgaws.  The screaming children.  The way the mall security stares askance at any person of color.  The suspicious predominance of Spanish-speakers in the janitorial staff.  The crushing desperation of so many of the workers.  That shit is living death.  How did I forget?

It is, after all, one of the major reasons I quit that job in the first place.

I’ve grown un-accustomed to living my life with heavy shielding.  I like being open, clued in, with one hand on the heartbeat of the world. It’s not safe to be that way in the mall.  It’s like being a plague doctor with an immune disorder: you’re tempting Death.

I work in two different kiosks for the company, in two different malls.  The smaller, less prosperous of the malls is easier to manage: I picked out a set of four matching steel rings and borrowed “modeled” them all day, using them to regulate my in/out like a gas masks.  It worked fine, with minimal effort. 

The larger of the two malls, however, was more of a problem: more prosperous, with a more “affluent” (higher pre-tax income, overextended on debts and a lifestyle they can’t pay in the post-crash economy) and psychically toxic clientele, more in need of free therapy in the form of abusing retail employees and jewelry to reinforce their crumbling middle-class racial and gender identities.  Keeping that space clear enough for me to work without setting anyone on fire required a daily application of a pentagram banishing rite.  Yeah, that’s right, I had to go back to a banishing rite. I hate banishing; I would much rather invoke, conjure, or tune.  And it worked.  Barely.

I’ve made it through, now.  Tuesday was my last shift until I need to work over my next break.  And don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to them for giving me the opportunity to make rent.  I love having a roof over my head.  But I need to find a new source of greenbacks: one where I’m not selling and fixing slave-made baubles for petty asshats.

Several months ago I had an experience in the underworld that made afraid to go back.  A slightly longer version of the story goes like this. 

As you all know, my experiments in ceremonial magic have been framed by Christopher Penczak’s Temple of High Witchcraft.  His exploration of Malkuth begins with a journey to the Elemental Realm of Earth in order to make a contact there, followed by a quest to the Queen of Malkuth to petition for one’s “Stone of Sovereignty”.

My Earth-guide did not appear to me clearly at first.  It was a shadowed figure.  My first “glimpses” were of a muscled arm and ass.  When she did reveal herself completely, it was as a hulking, horned figure about three times my size.  Since she disdained to give me a name, I dubbed her the “Troll Lady” (much to her amusement).  She accompanied me through my initial explorations of the Elemental Realm of Earth, and to the Garden of Malkuth on two occasions—though, interestingly, it was the leopard of Dionysus who led me through the Garden to the Queen.  It was Rhea who appeared to me as the Queen of Malkuth, and at the end of a series of exchanges over several journeys she gave me a purple orb. 

In order to complete my “initiation” of Malkuth, the Troll Lady led me deeper into the underworld, past a brazen wall and gate, to a circle of shadowy male figures who told me that the purple orb was not the Stone of Sovereignty.  The Troll Lady then led me back to the Garden of Malkuth and made a demand of me that I’m still not certain how to process—one which made one of my other spirit-allies jealous.  The whole experience unnerved me, and although I subsequently drummed Sannafrid down to the Underworld on at least one occasion, I did not myself descend until this most recent Dark Moon.

It was suggested to me that I do some divination before hand to attempt to get a handle on the situation.  Although this is not a sort of divination I often do—usually using it more as a sort of “sonar” than to get specific answers—I gave it a try.  The results were largely unclear, except that I did need to deal with it and now was the time.  There was also some indication that the Troll Lady and I had some unfinished business, perhaps from a past life.  Perhaps one of my lovely readers might have some insight:

What sort of spirit is the Troll Lady?  9 Wands, 5 Swords, X Fortune.  Reask = 6 Disks.

What does the Troll Lady want from me?  V the Emperor, XX the Aeon, 7 Cups.

What will the outcome be of my working with the Troll Lady?  XIII Death, 3 Disks, 0 the fool.

What will the outcome be for me?  2 Disks, VII the Chariot, XVII the Star.

Beyond this I knew only that things would play out best if I sought out both the spirits involved in the conflict.  With this in mind, Aradia and I cast a circle and, with her serving as an anchor in case things went sour, I descended to the underworld in search of a spirit who could help mediate the situation.

I found myself beside a river, which I decided to follow upstream for some time before realizing that I was supposed to be in the river.  Jumping into the water, I was quickly swept downstream.  Completely submerged, I met a water-nymph who agreed to mediate for me.  We travelled down the river and across an ocean, finally emerging at the shore of a mountainous island.  Given the nature of the conflict, I was somewhat concerned (to my embarrassment and the nymph’s amusement) about enlisting the aid of yet another “female” spirit, so when we emerged from the water she took the form of a muscular old man before leading me up the mountain.

At the top of the mountain was a stone table where Tsu and the Troll Lady were waiting for us.  Neither were entirely pleased with the situation, but they weren’t hostile, either.  They’re also flickering in and out, like an unclear signal.  I try to “summon” them by their names, and that helps, but not much.

Trying to get things on the right foot, I start by re-introducing myself formally to all involved.  I already know Tsu’s name—I gave it to her, after all—and the Troll Lady gave me a name that I couldn’t comprehend.  The new spirit introduced him/herself as Thetis, at which point everything started spinning: the four of us were semi-stable around the table, but the entire universe seemed to be caught in a counter-clockwise maelstrom around us. 

I tried to hold on, but I ultimately failed, and we were all sucked into a vortex.  Interestingly, this seemed to break all the tension:  “See,” I told them, “I have no idea what I’m doing.  I need all the help I can get.”

We eventually swirled our way back to the stone table, where I apologized to all involved for the drama and thanked all involved for their aid and company.  The Troll Lady gave me a sigil, which I only received in part.

Exhausted, I returned to my body.  Below is a sketch of the Troll Lady and the partial sigil.  Click, as they say, to embiggen.

When I did my annual reading, the card for Capricorn was the 5 of Cups, which I am supposed to fix with the 10 of Coins.

This may be relatively straightforward.  The 5 of Cups speaks of decisions which you regret.  The 10 of Coins speaks of enjoying what you have.  I have made decisions leading into this month that I am not entirely pleased with—tactical decisions, largely; the way I’ve dealt with certain issues.  But not getting what I wanted isn’t quite the same as things actually going wrong.

Over the course of the next month, I need to focus on appreciating the things I have.

This seems doubly true because, looking at the spread below—my reading for the coming lunar month, reset to the Dark Moon as I discussed before—I might not have it all come Aquarius.

Before getting into the gritty details, several things stand out clearly: only two Major Arcana appear in the main spread; I have laid out nearly every court card; there are a number of repeating themes from last month.

10 Swords was, in fact, my card for the month of Sagitarius and the card in the 9th House of my last Moon-reading, making it likely that some of the fallout of those “closures” are involved in its reappearance in the 2nd House this month.  I haven’t seen the 7 of Disks since October, when it appeared in my 4th House—all four 7s appeared that month.

The two Majors which appear are IX the Hermit in my 4th House and XX the Aeon in my 10th House, indicating that I will be focused very much on myself, my home-space, and my work … possibly to the exclusion of the actual humans in my life.  (Sorry in advance for that, y’all.)

 

1^st House – Self, Viewpoint – Basic view, and the lense through which the other cards are viewed and experienced.

7 Disks “Failure” == Prince of Cups; fix w/ Queen of Swords

Destroyed hope, bad circumstances, bad luck, unhappiness. Insights into transience and threats.

Romantic man, seducer, charmer, warm personality. Expression of feeling.

Wealth of ideas, presence of mind. Freedom from dependencies. Encourages clear reasoning and decisive action.

Something has gone wrong. I would guess that “something” is probably me.

I need to approach something from a new angle. I need to free myself of some bond, and do so decisively.

2^nd House – Finances, Income – communication, values, self-worth, desires

10 Swords “Ruin”==XIV the Tower; fix w/ 2 D “Change”

Random end, making a clean sweep, destructive energies, putting a stop to something. Breaking off a professional project. Out-of-control ideas. Paradigmatic collapse.

Shadows, instinctiveness, greed, thirst for power, temptation. Prohibited activities, corruption.

Change, flexible exchange, mutual fructification, variety. Restructuring. Changes within a relationship. Uncommitted flirt. Encourages paying attention to the opposite polarity.

The most obvious interpretations of this placement are either that my financial situation is going to be fucked – which is unlikely, given my circumstances – or that I’m going to have some major drama about my money. These may also be true, but I think that this actually elaborates on the “something wrong” in the First House.

I am failing to communicate, I am loosing touch with my values and out of touch with my desires, and it’s bringing things down around my ears. I fix this by changing my approach – by communication and negotiation.

3^rd House – Daily Experiences – immediate influences, that which takes up most of our lives

Knight of Wands

Self confidence, courage, striving for ideals, strong & enterprising spirit. Focusing one’s willpower on high goals. Decisive, goal-oriented action.

Despite the above (probably very much internal and/or social) drama, my day-to-day life is going to be very much on the rails. Progress will be made.

4^th House – Home-place – family, land, roots

IX the Hermit

Contemplating what is essential, defining one’s position, seclusion, seriousness, retreat, getting to the bottom of things. Knowing oneself. Taking something seriously, being true to oneself instead of making lazy compromises.

For various reasons, I feel that it is best to interpret this not so much as “contemplation in isolation in the home” but “contemplation on isolation and the home”.

I need to spend some time trying to decide what is essential, and what it is exactly that I want.

5^th House – Fun / Pleasure – children, hobbies, lovers

Knight of Disks

Fitness, sobriety, perseverance, stable values, reliability, straightforwardness. Stable relationship, sensuality, mutual appreciation, trust. Encourages enjoying what has been achieved and using ones means in a responsible manner.

The Knight of Disks is a very strange card for “fun”. I’m not really sure where to go with this one.

6^th House – Work – illness, duty, routine

Prince of Cups

Tender, romantic man; seducer, charmer, warm personality, gushing enthusiasm. Successful connection between intuition and knowledge, social commitment, artistic activity, inner work. My card.

The Prince of Cups would make little sense in the 6^th House, outside of an office affair. Except that I am the Prince of Cups, and this tells me that the 6^th House – work, duty, routine – is really where I’m going to live under the sign of Capricorn.

7^th House – Partnership – associations, spouse

Prince of Disks

Energetic young man, prime mover, person with imperturbable staying power. Stability, intense sensual experiences, feeling secure.

Still more Court cards? Seriously, what the fuck?

Honestly, the impression I get here is “Yay, sex.”

8^th House – Taboo / Crisis – sex, death, taxes, loans

2 Wands “Dominion”

Eagerness to fight, courage, willingness to take risks, willpower, becoming inflamed about something, spontaneous assertion, violent forging ahead, inconsideration. Competition, professional challenge. Desire to make conquests. Warns against inconsiderate aggression and “hollow demonstrations of power”.

The Eighth House is always hard. What am I afraid of? What am I freaking out about? Or is this one of the cases where the 8^th House is about sex, death, taxes, and other people’s money?

2 Wands is also an interesting card. It’s all over the place, but this time I think it’s talking about taking risks.

Even that begs questions, though: Am I taking too many risks? Not enough? And I taking the wrong risks?

9^th House – Higher Perception – journey, movement

4 Cups “Luxury”

Reveling, enjoying life, emotional security, sense of security. “Recognition of the seed of decay that abundance bears within itself.” Encourages drawing on one’s resources and enjoying the moment.

This seems to indicate that, although things are in a constant state of flux, I am essentially on the right path.

10^th House – Recognition – career, ambition, status

XX the Aeon

Transformation, new beginning, hope, self-discovery, spiritual development. Steps showing the right direction, reorganization, being open to new methods of work, advanced education, bring a a new spirit to one’s working life. Encourages opening up to new developments.

Professionally, the coming weeks are very well-omened for me. I think the semester is going to start strong.

11^th House – Friendships – groups, social activities

3 Wands “Virtue”

Healthy basis, confidence, success, initiative, vitality. Becoming aware of one’s possibilities and developing confidence. Forming delicate bonds. Harmony.

Similarly, the auguries are very good for my social life over the rest of break and into the beginning of the next semester. If the problems in my first two houses are what I suspect they are, then this (along with the Princes of Disks and Cups) bode well for my ability to work through them.

12^th House – Secrets & Fears – hopes, ambitions

9 Wands “Strength”

Drawing on abundant resources, experiencing a flow of energy, anticipation, inspiration. Being inspired by the unconscious. Encourages brave actions in trust of one’s own intuition.

Of course I’m afraid of strength. The strength I have. The strength I need but don’t have. The strength I have and seek but will be best off if I never use.

+2 – Current Position / Outside Influences

Knight of Swords / Queen of Disks

Versatility, discernment, flexibility, intelligence, objectivity, too much emphasis on the rational mind, calculation; clever, eloquent, brilliant, goal-oriented man; experienced adviser.

Fertility, sense of security, sensuality, serenity, endurance; a mature experienced woman; being calm, trustworthy. (20 deg Sag to 20 deg Cap)

I think that I am this Knight of Swords. “Too much emphasis on the rational mind” is one of the big things that have been wrong with me lately.

The question is this: am I also the Queen of Disks? Or is she the people around me?

Underlying Theme

6 Cups “Pleasure”

Reawakening spirits, drawing from the depths, finding fulfillment, emotional recovery, well-being.

There’s a bit of mad drama going on here, but all is well. Or all will be well. I just have to have the strength to make it through.

Goals are hard for me sometimes.  Life is a journey, not a destination … right?  Of course it is.  But I’ve done enough meandering for now, and maybe it’s time to get my magic in order the same way I’ve been doing by shifting careers.

I’ve already mentioned a few goals as part of the “Begin at the Beginning” posts, but let’s get just a little more specific.

1) Rewrite my formal “Book of Shadows”.  The first versions were good.  They taught me a lot.  But in the process, they’ve also become irrelevant.  And maybe come up with a new name.  I’m getting far enough from Wicca that Book of Shadows seems … inappropriate.  This will be the ongoing process of a lifetime, of course, but it’s still occasionally useful to restart a manuscript from scratch.

2) Perfect a daily practice.  As above: this is the task of a life time, but concrete steps can be made more immediately.  I want to have a ritual plan for every day of the week by the time the semester begins.  I will be doing Yoga two mornings a week once the semester begins, so that’s Tuesday and Thursday.  I think I also want to go through my full Pentagram Rite two or three times a week—since doing it actually every day seems to be too much for me, at least at this stage in life.  Which leaves me with two or three days a week still in need of a ritual—probably Monday and Friday.

3) Complete my self-directed course of ceremonial study.  Although I’m comfortable with this pushing past the coming year, I want to make serious progress.  As above, I am trying to have a concrete plan by the time the semester resumes.

4) Re-establish my lunar rites, this time on a Dark-to-Dark lunar month rather than on a Full-to-Full.  Yet another ongoing task, but this one I have already made good progress on: performing Lunar rites for the first two nights of the Dark Moon.

5) Practical magic.  I’m a magician, damn it.  I’ve been bending the universe to my will for the last decade and a half.  Sure, my charmed life is partly mortal luck and partly white middle-class privilege, but too much has gone too well against odds too strongly against me.  I’ve been cultivating my web of influence for years, and it’s served me well … but it’s time for me to grow up and start making more sophisticated demands of the universe that “good friends, good times, and no starving to death under the bridge”. 

I’m starting small: reupping the existing wards on my car; making new car-protection talismans for myself, Aradia, and whomever we know that would like the third (for some reason I felt the need to make three); redesigning my house wards (to be implemented when I return to the Sunrise Temple).

6) Resume my explorations of the Underworld.  See previous post on that subject.  That process has begun as of this Dark Moon.  But that gets a post (or three) of it’s own, once I’ve had the chance to process.

There will be more goals, of course.  But these are where the radical transformations will begin.

It occurred to me yesterday that it has been almost two months since I last descended to the Underworld. 

This realization begs a clear and pertinent question: what’s been stopping me?  It is tempting to argue that I have been too busy with school; I have been busy, but that’s not actually the reason.  I could confess to lazyness—people are always willing to believe that I’ve been lazy.  But the truth is actually even worse.

I’m afraid.

The last time I went down, a spirit demanded something of me that I wasn’t comfortable giving.  Since then I have been afraid to return.  I have not been wholly inactive in that time—I drummed my friend Sannafrid down without difficulty about a month ago—but my attempts to descend on my own have been … fraught.  Even aiming to go only as far down as my Inner Temple, my visualization fails me.

The details are … sordid, actually, and of a nature somewhat taboo even in the circles I’m running in these days.  Maybe I’ll be willing to get into it more once I’ve my research has panned out and I have more context.  But the details are also beside the point.

I am shamanic witch, but I am afraid to descend to the underworld.  That is the point.  In order to progress in anything, I need to overcome that fear.

[This is going to come off as a little harsh.  Fucking deal with it.]

Phil Hine recently published a post on the topic of how gay-friendly Wicca really is or isn’t.  This is a subject I spend a lot of time thinking about.  As I have mentioned numerous times, a great deal of my background and much of my source material are Wiccan or Wiccan-influenced, but there parts that I have always had problems with.  Admittedly, I had a great deal of trouble articulating some of those issues for many years.  I still have trouble articulating them in ways that don’t hurt or alienate my Wiccan friends.  I agree with everything Hine says in the post, and recommend that everyone also check out his ongoing series on occult gender paradigms*.

Wicca and many derivative forms of witchcraft are structured around a inescapably gender-essentialist idea of the world which is reflected in its conception of divinity.  In my experience, the general rule is that the more Traditional a Wiccan path, the worse an offender it is in this regard.  The worst implications of this can be seen in the old books of shadows, which explicitly encourage the eroticization of the power imbalance between student and teacher (Lady Sheba 115) and implicitly forbid homosexuality as an abomination (Ibid. 115-6).  And from here we start delving into the issues V.V.F. articulates so beautifully.  Ecclectic Wicca isn’t always as bad, but … it’s not generally very much better.

I’ve started and abandoned a post to this effect so many times that I’m surprised to cruise through my archives and find I’ve never actually finished one.

The whole “polarity” thing has read as fishy to me from the jump, anyway.  Sure, if one follows the electromagnetic metaphor (see Hine* again for the problems with this), one needs two “poles” to create motion.  But I have yet to meet the competent magician who can’t create that movement within themselves, alone, or had any trouble moving energy in tandem with any other competent magician.  All the serious groups I’ve worked with balanced out magically by element rather than by sex or gender.  When gender balance was an issue it was always one of cis-het-dudes assume they’re in charge and/or don’t listen when ladies talk, awkwardness and/or trouble ensues.  (This was a key issue in the breakdown of the proto-coven.)

I’ve only seen a couple books on Wicca for queers, and I’ll be honest and admit that I’ve only sat down and read one—Penczak’s Gay Witchcraft: Empowering the Tribe—but they seemed to follow the same pattern.  Much of what is wrong with Penczak’s book can been seen in the title: it offers queers a supporting role, an opportunity to use our super-special differences to support the community as a whole.  He talks a lot about the various queer gods (insomuch as that distinctly postmodern construction can be applied to ancient figures), but when it comes down to brass tacks it’s just another Wicca Double-oh-duh except with a purple cover.  The history is a little bit less wonky, which is probably why it’s published by Weiser instead of Llewellyn.

Many of these problems seem to stem from just how radical Wicca isn’t.  (Most forms of it anyway.  Reclaiming seems to have its shit together, but I’ve also never gotten to work with any Reclaiming folks, so that skews my perspective.)  Many forms of Wicca simply trade a transcendent sky-father who disapproves of everything for an imminent pair of sky-parents who approve of (almost) everything.  The value of “nature” changes, but often not the corrupt nature of humanity—“unnatural” or “disconnected from nature” instead of “fallen” or “sinful”, but whatever.

Ultimately, though, the whys and the wherefores don’t matter for shit.  As a queer, I frequently feel excluded from or tangential to the Wiccan mainstream of neo-Paganism … when I don’t feel outright unwelcome.  The ceremonial magic I’ve been studying lately is even worse (I have to call fucking phallocentric bullshit on a lot of that stuff, especially anything coming out of the GD).

The more time I spend in the Underworld, the less comfortable I get with any of the traditions I can find in print.  Shit gets weird down there, yo.  So weird even I’m not comfortable writing about all of it.

---

*No links for further Phil Hine because you should just read everything he has to say. 

Lady Sheba.  The Grimoire of Lady Sheba.  Centenial Edition.  St. Paul, Llewellyn: 2001.

When I did my annual reading at Samhain, the Card I drew for the sign of Sagittarius was the 10 of Swords, possibly the least auspicious card in the deck.  When I asked “how do I fix this?” I drew the 7 of Cups.  The worst possible reading for these cards goes something like, “Your life is falling apart and there’s nothing you can do about it, so just pretend it isn’t happening.”  The 10 of Swords also appeared in my annual reading as an underlying theme, and in my last full moon reading as the card for the 9th House.

The 10 of Swords is most often understood as a card about things falling apart.  It is a card of death, dismemberment, and betrayal.  And endings.  Especially endings.  Anthony Lewis’ Tarot Plain and Simple offers numerous keywords.  First and foremost he describes the 10 of Swords as “Stabbed in the back.” and “The end of a cycle.”  But as you dig into the keywords it gets a little more interesting.  There are of course the expected tragedies: ruin; failure; defeat; separation; pain.  There are also some that are a great deal more helpful to me in the moment: a decisive rupture; a forced change; an emotional cut off; a decision that alters your life; possible travel.  His interpretation of the card’s “situation and advise” in in respect to the card is more helpful still: your plans are not working out; you may be feeling emotionally cut off; something has ended that may still concern you; a situation or relationship is coming to its irrevocable end, and you may be feeling on the threshold of depression because of your loss.

Then we get to the fun part.  I don’t do reversed cards, but that doesn’t make those potential meanings go away: The worst is over; the end of a cycle and a new beginning.  Emerging from a period of emotional turmoil, hurt, and sadness.  The worst is over and your problems are beginning to resolve.

And while the Robin Wood deck doesn’t carry the Crowley meanings heavily, I think some of them are good to keep in mind: excessive reliance on the “rational” mind; collapse of unstable ideas and intellectual constructs; destruction of paradigms.

At first glance the 7 of Cups is an odd solution for anything: Lack of focus; a sense of confusion.  If I were to choose two words that describe my understanding of this card in the Robin Wood deck it would be “delusion” and “distraction”.  But looking deeper, there are some very helpful things going on here: emotion dominating rational thought (a particularly good counter to 10S); altered states; visions; significant dreams; psychic impressions.  The card talks about making difficult, even impossible choices.  Again, noting the “reversed” meanings: the fog lifts.

So I think I understand my 10 of Swords.  My struggles with my ceremonial experiment have definitely been a major factor so far this “month”, and with my recent decision to slow that down and consolidate what I’ve already learned, I expect they will continue to do so—for the rest of the month, even the rest of the year.  I have also become disenchanted with the roadmap I originally chose for that program of study.  So we see the sudden stop, and particularly see the meaning of the 10S in my 9th House at the moon and (possibly) as an underlying theme for the year.  I’ve also been trapped in the overly-cerebral world of academia-as-the-semester-ends, leaving my creative mind battered and neglected.  And there are definitely some decisions that I’ve been putting off to the point where those decisions might just be made for me.

The 7 of Cups is a solid solution for many of these problems: magic, particularly dreams and visionary work.  And I need to figure out what, exactly, it is that I want, and put that decision into action before it’s too late.

I’ve been struggling over the second part of my annual reading.  Not just the meanings, which become less and less clear as I use my Robin Wood tarot deck less and less, but even to find time to look at it.  So I’m going to post the outline now and go over each period as I come to them.  Probably more useful that way anyway.

For Part 1/2 look here.

Below the fold are my chronological reading and some of the synthesis between the two.

CHRONOLOGICAL VIEW

Scorpio ~ November – Queen of Cups

Sagittarius ~ December – 10 Swords – fix with 7 Cups

Capricorn ~ January – 5 Cups – fix with 10 Disks

Aquarius ~ February – X Wheel of Fortune

Pisces ~ March – Ace of Cups

Aries ~ April – Knight of Disks

Taurus ~ May – Queen of Wands

Gemini ~ June – 8 Disks

Cancer ~ July – 5 Disks – fix with Page of Wands

Leo ~ August – II the High Pirestess

Virgo ~ September – Ace of Wands

Libra ~ October – XI Justice

Underlying = 2 Wands

REPEATS

10 Swords = Underlying 1 + Sagittarius

2 Wands = 4^th House + Underlying 2

X Fortune/Wheel of Fortune = 5^th House + Aquarius

Knight of Disks = 8^th House + Aries

Ace of Wands = 12^th House + Virgo

XI Justice / VIII Adjustment = Libra + fix 3^rd House

MAJOR ARCANA

IX the Hermit = fix 1^st House

XV the Devil = 2^nd House

VIII Adjustment = fix 3^rd House

X Fortune = 5^th House

XIV Art = 6^th House

XI Lust = fix 7^th House

XVI the Tower = 10^th House

X Wheel of Fortune = Aquarius

II the High Pirestess = Leo

XI Justice = Libra

COURT CARDS

Knight of Disks = 8^th House

Princess of Swords = 10^th House

Queen of Disks = 11^th House

Princess of Wands = central theme

Knight of Swords = crosses PrsWands

Queen of Cups = Scorpio

Knight of Disks = Aries

Queen of Wands = Taurus

Page of Wands = fix Gemini

As I have mentioned several times, I am currently undergoing a study of ceremonial magic using Christopher Penczak’s High Temple of Witchcraft as a framework.  My plan had been to devote, as the program intends, a single year to the study: August 2011 to July 2012.  I say I have been using Penczak as a framework because, as I will discuss in an upcoming in-depth review, the subject is too large, too complex, and too varied for one author alone to convey.

Not quite ten days ago, I talked about moving on from my month of Yesod(Moon) to Hod(Mercury).  Since then, however, I have received numerous signals (both from my body and from my guides) that I need to slow down.  Maintaining a daily practice is getting harder, not easier, despite the fact that I have been doing this for almost four months.  There was the whole thing where my altar imploded.  My dreams are getting harder to remember, despite journaling and ritual work.  And, most tellingly, I am having more trouble achieving a trance state than I have in years.

Are the stresses and pressures of mortal life a factor in this?  Of course.  But I have just finished a week of break followed by the lowest-workload week I’ve had since the beginning of the semester.  And into that empty space, rather than enlightenment, a wellspring of issues that I haven’t been dealing with properly have bubbled up.

So, rather than power through and set myself up for failure, I’m going to back off, go over what I’ve already learned.  I’m going to focus on consolidating my gains, and keeping my life in order as the semester winds to a close.

It becomes increasingly clear to me why ceremonial magic of the sort exemplified by the Golden Dawn has long and largely been the purview of a wealthy elite, and the full-time artists they patronized. 

It also becomes increasingly clear to me that the Kabalistic magic of the Golden Dawn and their contemporaries—of Regardie and Crowley and Fortune; the sort which Penczak oversimplifies—represents a much smaller portion of ceremonial magic than I ever realized.  I had heard of Agrippa before beginning this study, but I didn’t know who he was.  I hadn’t heard of the Greek Magical Papyri.  I had no idea how much actual Hellenistic and Roman magic actually survived to this day; as such, I had little idea of its pervasive influence.

I will continue to work my way through the exercises of the High Temple.  However flawed, the framework is adequate for my purposes.  I’ve already learned an amazing amount, and I will see this through to the end.  But getting through it in just a year?  Ahaaahahahah.  Fuck no. 

I reserve my senseless enthusiasm for sex, drugs, and rock&roll.  I try to approach my magic with a proper sense of prudence and awe.