August Dark Moon Esbat

Two weeks ago, Aradia and my mother helped me lay the foundations of my house-wards.  Since then, though, my dreams have been more troubled than my waking life, alone, can account for.  I’m accustomed to living in a tightly Warded space, and although the neighborhood is quiet … it’s not that quiet.  Besides, I’ve been performing the Qabalistic cross daily for the entire interim: I was ready for a badass ritual, and I needed to prepare the space for rituals to come.

I began with a shower – a ritual cleansing that I often forgo.  I cleansed the space with a blend of sage, lavender, and kava – not my usual mix, but it was what I had on hand.  I called up an elemental circle, asking the powers, creatures, and beings of the quarters to guard my space so long as I abide there.  I charged a bottle of Dark Moon water to mix with my flying potion, and for whatever other uses I can find in the next month.  I made sacrifices to my household gods and spirits – mead for Dionysos and for the Nameless Ones; absinthe for the Nameless Ones, my journey-mask, and Tsu. 

Drawing on the theories of Frater Barrabbas, I opened a vortex within my initial circle and raised a cone of power as well.  With that power I turned to my oldest, but in some ways best, tricks: my Pentagram Ward, a structure upon which I will build more sophisticated wards and protection spells.  My power raised and protections in place, I could do what I’ve been putting off to long.  Doning my mask and downing my flying potion, I returned to the Underworld.

The world tree took me down to my Inner Temple, where Tsu, one of the spirits I work, with was waiting.  She pointed me toward a portal, and I followed.  Interestingly, the portal led first to campus, where I found another portal that led me into a void where I found the Leopard of Dionysos.  I was relieved to see her – I’ve been lax in my practice for a while, and I was afraid my allies had deserted me – but she reassured me that he was unconcerned by my absence; Rhea, on the other hand, was waiting for me.

I descended to a grassy plain I’d seen before, and went deeper into the Underworld via the Temple of Rhea I had seen before, during my initiation.  Dionysos appeared briefly – a translucent image, but still a presence – and I descended further.  I found the Magna Mater in a vast cavern, gargantuan and reclining as before.  I abased myself and apologized for not delivering Pasiphae to her before I left Kansas City.  A realization came to me suddenly: “This is all for my benefit, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” she conceded, and pointed me to a tunnel leading down.

That tunnel, in turn, led to oceanic depths I had encountered before, most recently while exploring the Elemental Realm of Water.  It occurred to me that perhaps the Power I had encountered here had not been knocking me around for her own amusement, but that perhaps there had been a purpose.  I swam in the direction she had thrown me and discovered a passage leading up.

That passage led me to more familiar territories, the caverns beneath a ziggurat I had “discovered” in my earliest spirit-journeys.  Reaching light at the top of the zigurat, I encountered a spirit I had almost forgotten – a winged stone serpent placed atop that temple, whose nature I have never determined.  After a brief, silent communion with him, I was returned to the heart of my Inner Temple.

I concluded my journey with a brief but fruitful conversation with Tsu, and returned to my body to put a lid on the vortex and close the circles.

Corn Moon Rite

I posted about my full moon reading yesterday, but the ritual itself bears mentioning as well.  It was the first in the new home, the last I’ll be able to perform with Aradia until Yule at the soonest, and the only magical rite in which my mother has ever participated. 

In keeping with that last point, and because we were all too overwhelmed and exhausted to do any serious heavy lifting, we kept it simple.  Rather than alternating in silence, as Aradia and I usually do, or assigning a call to each of the participants – as we have historically with larger groups – I took the lead, calling on the “powers and spirits” of each element, while Aradia and my mother followed behind.  We cast the circle hand-to-hand, and a storm hit exactly as we finished.

We called upon the moon to help establish the household and to aid in the transition.  The three of us then worked together to charge a bottle of water with moon energy.  Finally, we closed the circle and went outside to see what was going on.

The storm was still blowing in, but the tree outside my front door had already dropped a massive load of sticks and twigs.  This was where my mother really shone, and proved that with little or no actual instruction in what I do, she already knew enough: she encouraged me to collect a particularly attractive fallen twig to add to my altar.  As the storm continued, I set the moon water outside to continue charging, along with my amethyst orb.  Both were tingling when I brought them in shortly before dawn.

Corn Moon Reading

It’s that time again.  I haven’t done (or have done, but haven’t actually spent any time with) my full moon readings since the last time I posted here.

It’s appropriate, then, that this be my first post from the new Temple: a one-bedroom apartment where the sun first rises over the state of Indiana.  I moved in the night before the full moon, and performed a simple Esbat and house blessing (which I will write about later), and did my monthly reading.

HOUSE

CARD

GENERAL MEANING

SPECIFIC MEANING

1st – Self, Viewpoint

 

Ace of Swords

New beginnings, esp. ideas. Thirst for knowledge. Opportunity and clear decisions.

 

2nd – Finances, Income

 

3 Swords

Heartbreak, disappointment, bad news, miscalculation.

Miscalculation, threat of loss.

3rd – Daily Experiences

immediate influences

Knight of Cups

Tender, romantic man; seducer and charmer. Expression of feelings.

Incidentally, the card who rules my birthday.

4th – Home-place

family, land, roots

XXI the World

Completion, joy of living. Being in the right place at the right time. Fulfillment and reconciliation. Warns against thinking one has reached the goal.

 

5th – Fun / Pleasure

children, hobbies,

Ace of Cups

New beginnings, esp. emotions & relationships. Bliss and opportunity.

 

6th – Work

illness, duty, routine

3 Disks

Taking concrete steps; translating ideas into reality. Slow process.

Stabilizing what one has achieved; turning projects into reality. The semester is starting in a week. I think the meaning here is pretty clear.

7th – Partnership

associations, spouse

8 Disks

Cautious new beginning. Moderation. Care and patience. Encourages letting time do the work for you.

 

8th – Taboo / Crisis

sex, death, taxes, loans

XX Judgment

Transformation and new beginnings. Hope and self-discovery. Spiritual development. Career progress.

 

9th – Higher Perception

journey, movement

3 Cups

Partnership, fulfillment, joy, exchange and rich harvest.

Gratitude.

10th – Recognition

career, ambition, status

XVI the Tower

Collapse, catastrophe, and new beginnings. Upheaval. Breakthrough. Liberation. Fate.

Radical change. A tour de force.

11th – Friendships

groups, social activities

4 Wands

Stability, order, and harmony. The Wheel of Fortune in miniature. Partnership and completion.

 

12th – Secrets & Fears

hopes, ambitions

Queen of Swords

Wealth of ideas, presence of mind, quick-witted. Independent. A person (particularly a woman) who exhibits these characteristics.

Of course I want to be the Queen of Swords. Or meet her. And of course I’m scared of her – you think I’m stupid or something?

+2 – Current Position /

Outside Influences

7 Wands

Doing battle from the higher ground. Risking a single-handed effort. Growing beyond one’s limits. Taking a risk or hard assignment.

 

4 Swords

Peace. Rest. Stasis. Calm before the storm. Building one’s strength.

Underlying Theme

Queen of Disks

Fertility, sense of security, sensuality, serenity, endurance. Dedication to the task with endurance and patience

 

THEMES

 

Me / You

– 1st, 7th

Ace of Swords

 

I really have no idea where this is going. “Focus on your self and let time take care of the rest”?

8 Disks

 

From Where To Where

– 4th, 10th

XXI the World

 

Neither of these cards come as a surprise this month. I just finished disassembling one life and must now begin building a new one.

XVI the Tower

 

Fire

– 1st, 5th, 9th

Ace of Swords

 

Two aces – air and water. Another water card – the highly auspicious 3. But there are no fire cards in my fire trine. My passion is a hurricane, not a firestorm.

Ace of Cups

 

3 of Cups

 

Earth

– 2nd, 6th, 10th

3 Swords

Heartbreak, failure.

My material world has come apart and must be put back together. Nothing I didn’t already know.

3 Disks

Craft and process.

XVI the Tower

The shiny red reset button.

Air

– 3rd, 7th, 11th

Knight of Cups

Feelings and their expression.

My mind is going to be on everything but my mind this month. That’s something I’m going to have to be careful of.

8 Disks

Patience and meticulous process.

4 Wands

Completion and stability.

Water

– 4th, 8th, 12th

XXI the World

 

Again the major arcana speaking of completion and reconstruction. And again with the air-water connection.

XX Judgment

 

Queen of Swords

Discernment, brilliance

There haven’t been many surprises in this reading – well, except 8D, which might refer to my transforming relationship with Aradia (who has not moved to Sunrise, IN with me) or might refer to something new coming along much sooner than I would have expected or wanted.

There are only three major arcana cards in my reading, but they’re all doozies: XXI, XX, and XVI. I have pressed the shiny red reset button on my life.

Given the amount of upheaval in my life, it’s no surprise that my elements are out of balance. My air and water are cross wired – QS in my water trine, KnC in my air ; the AS and AC in my fire – and I have no wands except for the 4 in my air. I’m going to have to work very hard to keep from getting completely out of balance.

A Hasty but Productive Esbat

Last Friday I looked down at my calendar and was surprised to see that the full moon was that coming Sunday.  Given my recent track record, I wasn’t particularly surprised to be unaware of the moon’s phase – I was more shocked that I’d caught myself in time.

By Sunday, Aradia and I planned a dinner but no ritual and had gotten the house just barely clean enough to cook and host … but hadn’t quite planned the ritual.  We ended up playing it by ear, which worked out fantastically.

After working together off and on for the last year and a half, we’ve found that our synergy is such that we do not use traditional quarter-calls.  Instead, each of us takes a turn leading as we attune to each of the elements.

The Circle came together with a potency the likes of which I haven’t seen in some time.  After years of performing such rituals, our space is … accustomed to it.  Attuned.  Generally, we conjure a Circle to the perimeter of the office/temple area then push it out to the edges of the household.  That night it sprang up in two layers simultaneously: one around the temple, one at the edge of the property.

We had a bowl of water that we blessed, and which I used to consecrate a goddess-image I’ve been working with and which we (later) used to top off our latest batch of kobucha.  We charged a jar of tomato juice that Aradia used as a basis for a round of get-well potion.  Each of us took the opportunity to do a bit of candle-magic.

The chief purpose for the ritual was to provide a jump-start for our magical lives.  Though such things are traditionally reserved for the Dark Moon, the centerpiece of our ritual was a journey to the Underworld.  Specifically, we visited the Realm of Fire, using a meditative aide by Christopher Penczak from the Outer Temple book.

Finally, we concluded our rite with divination.  My own spread, I have already shared.  The others, of course, did their own.

April Full Moon Reading

The full moon came as something of a surprise to me this month … again.  But the good news is that I saw the mark on the calendar before it had passed, and everything sort of fell into place after that.

Pasiphae and Aidan joined Aradia and I on Sunday night.  We played the whole thing by ear and it turned out wonderfully.  Well, it all turned out wonderfully except for the reading I did.  The tarot doesn’t often give me bad news.  This month I had a lot of it.

Now, my annual reading promised me an Ace of Wands April and a Prince of Wands May (or perhaps an AW Aries and an PrW Taurus … next Samhain I’ll be more specific when I do that reading).

HOUSE CARD GENERAL SPECIFIC
1st – Self, Viewpoint XVIII the Moon Unconscious forces, self-deception.  Facing the conflict between  internal forces Fear of the threshold.  Refusal to face something.  Self-deception.
Why, yes, I am pretty freaked out about this whole transition thing.  Why do you ask?
2nd – Finances, Income XVI the Tower Swift, shocking, and dramatic change. Radical change, but for better or worse?  The Tower is almost always for worse.  This worries me greatly.
3rd – Daily Experiences
immediate influence
X the Wheel of Fortune Rise or fall of fortune.  Transition to new phase.
Fate.
Transition via montage.
4th – Home
family, land, roots
6 Cups Childhood.  Nostalgia.
The Past.
Emo nostalgia whining.  Perhaps Aradia and I will be dwelling overmuch on the end of things.  Or perhaps I will simply be dwelling overmuch on the parallels between this situation and my previous departures from KC and St.L.
5th – Fun & Pleasure
children, hobbies
Ace of Swords Sense of power.  Strength.  Matters of intellect.  Decisions. School = fun?
Decision making.
6th – Work
illness, duty, routine
10 Cups Joy, emotional fulfillment, harmony, prosperity. Retirement?  Conclusion of business deal?
Graduation?
7th – Partnership XXI Justice Being judged.  A fair outcome.  Equilibrium, restoration of balance, strategy. Fair agreements, balanced life.
8th – Taboo / Crisis
sex, death, taxes, loans
5 Swords Defeat.  Kicking ass and taking names (but theirs or mine?).  One-ups-manship.  Embarrassment. MOHELA screws me?  I have to borrow more money from somewhere?
9th – Higher Perception 5 Pentacles Illness, misery, poverty. Disappointment,trouble.
10th – Recognition
career, status, ambition
5 Cups Decision regretted.  Loss.  Mourning. This does not bode well.
11th – Friendships Page of Pentacles Education.  Students. I suspect this means someone from my classes will be important this month.
12th – Secret Hopes & Fears
hopes, ambitions
Queen of Swords A cold, calculating person. Am I going to need to cut someone’s head off this month?  Or is this about my need to make my school decisions as rationally as possible
+2 – Current / Outside Influences Queen of Wands / XXI the World Balance of life and work.  Competence, energy, drive.  //
Natural conclusion, End of a journey. 
Although phrased dramatically, this is no news.  This appears to be very much about the end of my career at my junior college.  My concern is that I’m missing something here.

THEMES

Me & You – 1st & 7th – Moon, Justice

In many instances, the major arcana are the clearest symbols.  In their places, above, they are not incomprehensible – though “Justice” does confuse me a little as a relationship card – but as a progression … I must admit myself to be a little bit lost.

From Where to Where – 4th & 10th – 6 Cups, 5 Cups

This progression – or regression – appears straightforward.  I am going to spend a lot of time this moon second-guessing myself, looking at the path I’ve taken and the choices I’ve made.

Fire – 1, 5, 9 – Moon, 10 Cups, 5 Pentacles

There are no fire cards in my fire trine.  I have a watery major arcana, a water card, and an earth card.  This is a fairly serious imbalance.

Banzhaf’s Keywords says that this trine speaks to temperament and self-development, from which perspective these cards are a particularly mixed bag.  The facing of fears and delusions; emotional pinnacle and contentment; physical (or psychic?) illness.  I really need to keep my head straight this month.

Earth – 2, 6, 10 – the Tower, Ace of Swords, 5 Cups

There are no earth cards in my earth trine.  I have the Tower, a card that defies categorization, an air card, and a water card.  My material situation looks … well, I don’t think the word “dire” is entirely out of line. 

It’s no surprise that the Ace of Swords – ideas – will consume a great deal of my time.  I am still taking classes, after all.  The others, though …

Air – 3, 7, 11 – Wheel of Fortune, Justice, Page of Pentacles

Though Justice is an airy card, it is still of the major arcana, and the Wheel of Fortune defies categorization in the same way the Tower does.

Two major arcana cards in my air trine indicates that this is going to be a big issue.  Fortunately all of these cards are fairly fortuitous.  Things look good for my intellectual and artistic life.

Water – 4, 8, 12 – 6 Cups, 5 Swords, Queen of Swords

Only in my water trine do I have any cards of the associated element.  Here, it is the 6 of Cups – childhood memories and nostalgia.  The other two cards are air, demonstrating the primacy of my intellectual/rational life over my emotional needs and concerns.

Interestingly, this is the only trine without a major arcana card.  Whatever troubles I may have here, they will likely be less significant than those related to the other three elements.

March Full Moon Reading

The full moon came while Aradia and I were on a mad, seven-day road trip to visit four of the schools to which I have applied.  We were in Chicago, staying with old friends, and managed to take the time to do our monthly readings. 

My annual reading promised me a 5 of Swords month in March, which I definitely felt – late papers, stress, exhaustion – and an Ace of Wands month for April, which I am definitely already experiencing – with nearly 4000 words written already on various school and personal projects, and a new short story draft completed.

Here is my reading for the moon which has almost passed:

HOUSE

CARD

GENERAL MEANING

SPECIFIC MEANING

1st – Self, Viewpoint

6 Cups

reawakening of the spirits, emotional recovery, and well-being

enjoyment of work, finding one’s center, and being open to experiences

2nd – Finances, Income

8 Disks

Cautious new beginning, moderation, and patience

waiting for an opportunity,

3rd – Daily Experiences

immediate influences

Knight of Swords

versatility, experience, emphasis on the rational mind,

moving directly toward one’s goal

4th – Home-place

family, land, roots

3 Cups

fulfillment, joy, well-being

fruitful relationship, time of joy

5th – Fun / Pleasure

children, hobbies,

IX the Hermit

contemplating what is essential, seclusion

stay home and do homework instead

6th – Work

illness, duty, routine

9 Cups

optimism, meaningful experiences, quiet happiness

enjoyment of work, advantageous conclusion of contract

7th – Partnership

associations, spouse

6 Disks

increase, material gain, welcome development

fruitful relationship, happiness in love

8th – Taboo / Crisis

sex, death, taxes, loans

8 Cups

weakness, broken hopes, resignation

I’m afraid of failure: duh

9th – Higher Perception

journey, movement

10 Wands

blocked development, problems with authority, “straight jacket”

mastering inner tensions through external effort

10th – Recognition

career, ambition, status

XIII Death

parting, natural end, renunciation

fulfilling an assignment, retirement

11th – Friendships

groups, social activities

VII the Chariot

mood of departure, thirst for adventure, assertive will

new relationship, animated impulse, decisive action

12th – Secrets & Fears

hopes, ambitions

10 Cups

fulfillment, culmination, success,

yes, I’m just as scared of victory as of defeat.  duh

+2 – Current Position / /

Outside Influences

Ace of Cups / 5 Cups

bliss, inner wealth, openness //
dashed expectations, disappointement
 

the Full Moon, a Feast, and My Decision to Buy a Besom

Aradia and I celebrated the full moon two nights ago, and had our early Samhain feast last night.  Neither of these would be as significant, except that we’ve rather “fallen off the wagon” with both our magical practices and our social lives.  So we decided it was time to have a party.

The story actually starts last weekend, getting the house ready for an old friend of Aradia’s to visit from St. Louis.  Reflecting our mental and emotional states as I creep up on six months of unemployement and we both struggle with classes, our house was something of a disaster.  Our house altar had been almost untouched since our practice group stopped meeting shortly after the Summer Solstice.  It took us most of the week, but the house was clean (if not cleansed) and the altar prepared for Samhain less than half an hour before Firebird & Crew arrived.

Firebird brought three friends with her : two fellow spinners/manipulators, A and C, and A’s ladyfriend N, who invited herself along despite not having any actual interest in the entire affair.  MagicCat didn’t like them at all, which turned out to be a red flag.  Firebird was good fun, but her friends should have just stayed in St.L.  By the time they left, Aradia, myself, and our house were all toxic.  So we cast a circle and cleansed the house like we should have done before they got there.

Suddenly, everything was beautiful again.  The Circle snapped into place as soon as we lit the Air candle, like we’d never left off.  We went room-to-room with a burning wand of white sage and a lavender oil mister.  We even did the porch.

Living with another witch for the last year has really changed my mind on a lot of things.  Aradia and I went to the KC Renaissance Festival a month or so ago, and one of the vendors we passed by specialized in ornate “decorative” brooms.  For the first time, I found myself seriously thinking about owning and using a besom.  Given my absurdly macho, psuedo-ceremonial roots, this is not a tool that most of the things I’ve done or studied put any emphasis on.  I’ve only used a besom once, in fact, when I helped make one for a workshop out at Heartland this last May.  When we went back to the Faire last weekend with Firebird & Crew, we passed the same vendor and I found myself thinking – not “is this a tool I need?” but “which of these would be best for me?”.  Apparently I had made my decision sometime in between … probably while pushing the broom.

Fast forward a week.  The house is actually still clean, though in need of some work.  We’re both still in a fantastic mood, despite the stress.

I originally had plans for Friday night, but they were canceled when the gremlins in Aradia’s car threw a party to remind everyone they were still there.  I don’t remember exactly what she said about her own plans for the evening, but my response …

“It’s the full moon?”

When I say fell off the wagon, I’m not fucking joking.

We went over to Aradia’s family’s house to help them with the annual brush-burn and to incinerate a few things that that should have been disposed of long ago.  We took our drums and tranced out for a while before doing our full moon tarot readings.  It wasn’t formal, structured, or intense, but it was what we needed.  We need to work our way back up to intense, and we’ve got about seven days.  (Samhain’s totally going to kick my ass.)

Saturday came, and with it our pre-Samhain pumpkin party.  We didn’t know what anyone’s plans for the actual weekend would be, or if there would be a ritual at all, so we decided to host a feast and carve jak-o-lanterns.  The invitations went out almost a month ago.

I helped Aradia make pumpkin soup out of the five kuri pumpkins (the green-and-orange ones) you saw on the altar, and Aradia made a loaf of amazing tasty bread.  We drank tasty pumpkin beer.  My parents brought an amazing autumn stew.  Our neighbor, K, brought pumpkin-filled doughnuts.  Our friends Pasiphae and Aiden brought a feast all by themselves: pumpkin-banana bread, pumpkin-cheesecake pie, and Halloween-themed jell-o-snacks.  (They also brought their munchkins – the MagicCat was not amused.) 

We all had so much fun that we never got to the pumpkin carving part.